The White + The Epiphany
I always say that you should put out to the world what you want back...
But do we sometimes exude out inner wants subconsciously?
(*Happened on July 11, 2015 at 9:17pm)
Maybe you have noticed it of me, because sometimes we are not self aware of what we do, but have you noticed how much white I have been wearing lately?...Well, maybe not you but, those around have seen my white looks...Almost every weekend I am wearing white at least one of the days. Every time I go shopping, I am always picking up something white, even got myself a white car recently (*more about the car below). I merely assess it as being a simple color that is very universal that gives a 'clean and classy' appearance....well, at least that is what my mind is saying...what if my heart is saying something else?...What if my mind is deflecting my heart?...Could I really be ready?
All this talk of meeting, people, dating woes, relationship criteria, and marriage expectations, was this my own form of therapy? What does this mean? Will I adjust how I interact with men? Will I start responding to their messages? DAMMIT! What I am supposed to do with this new thought? Let me go pray on it.
I never thought of myself as being a home-maker and I do not believe I could be okay with being only a housewife but, I do like to my things comfortable for those in my home. As I am continuing to learn myself and what dynamics I can be comfortable with, I am realizing more and more that I want my family life to be very traditional....eating together at the dinner table, having weekend cookouts with the neighbors, attending the kids' games, having date nights with my husband, allowing the kids to have pool parties, traveling to different countries, taking family photos, ALL OF THAT. So, maybe I am more ready than I let myself believe...
...or I can stop wearing white and go indoor skydiving!
Yup, that's me pretending to be SUPERWOMAN!
Who's coming with me next time?!
*I do not know about you but, I name my cars and give them personalities. This one is Betty. Betty is pretty. Betty has everything I need. The kids really like Betty. My last car was BB (Black Beauty), and although I loved her, she gave me a lot of attitude and heartache, so I knew that our relationship was failing and before it got worse I had to let her go.
Someone asked me why I do not treat myself to a luxury vehicle, my response was that it is not practical for my life right now. With my kids still being young and MESSY, I refuse to have juice spilled in my Mercedes! Once I accomplish their childhood, I may consider it......or my future husband can surprise me one day....wishful thinking.