March 31, 2015

Fuschia Shades + Exchanging Energies

My daughter says to me, "Mommy how do you get your clothes to match?
My response, " I didn't intend these to match, I guess I just got lucky."
I did not buy any of these items at the same time or together.  I've had this top for years, the shoes are Aldo, and the bag is from Sam Moon.  They just happened to be close in shade and made my look work out perfectly.  How awesome is that?!


Exchanging Energies

"Pay attention to whom you share your intimate energy with. Intimacy at this level intertwines your aural energy with the aural energy of the other person. These powerful connections, regardless of how insignificant you think they are, leave spiritual debris, particularly within people who do not practice any type of cleansing, physical, emotional or otherwise. The more you interact intimately with someone, the deeper the connection and the more of their aura is intertwined with yours. Imagine the confused aura of someone who sleeps with multiple people and carries around these multiple energies? What they may not realize is that others can feel that energy which can repel positive energy and attract negative energy into your life."

 I am not sure if I truly believe this whole concept but, it is interesting.  I do agree that one should surround his/herself with good people.  I also believe that a man's energy can "transfer" into the woman much easier than a woman's energy into a man. (I'm trying to use non-sexual verbiage, bare with me.)  Even if a woman is controlling the encounter, she feeds off his aura more that he feeds off her (this is not a fact, it's just my opinion.)  And let's be realistic, as far a biology is concerned, men and women are NOT equal.  With the right functions and foundations, we may balance each other but, we are chemically different.  So we seep and exude differently.

Ideally women are the nurturers so our chemical compounds are infused with raw emotions; some of us are better at managing our feelings than others.  We engage energy from those around us but, more so from those we become intimate with.  I've been able to understand this theory more and more through my growth and observing in understanding romantic relationships, which leads me to be more convinced that women should not have more than one intimate partner at a time.  It does not matter if it is a casual partner, it is still intimacy and intimacy is defined as: a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person.  So if we factor in sex and break down the definition.....ummmm, yeah, I do not want to have that with more than one man and not every man is privileged to have me like that.

Here are my thoughts on sex:
  1. I do not believe a woman should share her "cookies' with more than one partner.
  2. There should be a good 3-6 month break in between partners.
  3. Casual or not, sex can make anything messy and it can get awkward quickly.
  4. Do not agree on casual sex if you know you cannot handle your emotions.
  5. Last I checked, the only ones who can get pregnant are women. (This right here should be your fear factor.)
I also believe that each man a women decides to share herself with sexually, should not know all her levels of intimacy or excitement.  You can argue, "but Raya, being spontaneous is part of the excitement in sex."  This is true but, not everyone is worth being spontaneous with.  I do not want for someone who I have had casual experiences with to know or have experienced the level of intimacy that my husband and I will have.  I've been able to break it down the following way...

"Benefit Tiers." 
(This is relevant to me and my choices.)

Tier 1: Casual
-nothing really spontaneous, simple with little or no passion

Tier 2: Getting serious with healthy trust
-passion starts to become present, foreplay gets interesting, and we become more interlinked mentally

Tier 3: There's a RING on it
-Sorry, I won't speak on this one but, my husband will know

Does this make sense?  Good.

March 29, 2015

Baby Debo + Weights and Measures

I very much love "boyfriend" style clothing, boyfriend jeans, boyfriend blazers, boyfriend shirts, etc. I bought this dress at H&M.  Originally I thought it was just a cute shirt dress but, I was corrected and told it was boyfriend-style.  The difference is, a regular shirt dress is tapered at the waist area, this dress is not making it look more like a long shirt.  Either way, it is very comfortable and perfect for casual sunny days like today.

I wanted to get some nice snapshots of this dress but, my son did not want me to have my space.  See my struggle...  


Brunch With MsIndependent

Earlier in the day I went and had lunch with my social group at a new restaurant in Midtown Houston.  Weights and Measures opened in December 2014 and it is a combination of a restaurant, bakery, and bar; the decor and layout compliments the concept.  Also, right when you walk in, you can smell the freshly baked doughnuts, croissants, biscuits, rolls, and other goodness.  This is a great spot for casual gatherings.

March 26, 2015

Not Too Social + A Queen Doesn't Play the Joker

Sometimes people have misconceptions about my life.  Because I only share certain details does not mean I do not have more depth in my world.  I do go out and socialize with friends but, not as often as you may think.  Yes, I have a few numbers in my phone belonging to interested suitors but, not all of them have my attention or have my attention in a way they want it.

I host or attend 1-2 events a month with my social group.  Maybe once a month I hang out with girlfriends just because. I interact via phone call or text with a few men but, I only hang out with one. (As I stated in a previous post, I am not a serial dater or play on the interest of more than one man at a time.)  Although, I do have platonic male friends who I'll catch up with over food but, when I become serious with someone we'll address those boundaries.

For the most part, I am either at home or at work.  My primary focus is to maintain a comfortable life for my family.  I go over my daughter's homework every night, my son comes and tells on his sister when she's ignoring him, both of them get fed...more than once, they play games, they watch a movie(s), then they pass out, and we do it again the next night. 


A Queen Doesn't Play the Joker

One of the many things I've learned in "Womanhood" is: What a man expects from you is derived from how he perceives you. If you are boisterous and dramatic, even though it may be nerve wracking to him, your actions will not be a surprise to him. If you are quiet and docile, he won't expect you to overpower a conversation. If a man meets you at the park playing on the swings with your kids, how do you think he views you? If a man meets you at the club lap dancing on the local celebrity but, you don't work there, how do you think he views you?

Much like, don't post sexually suggestive ideas on Facebook and then act like a prude and take offense when a man approaches you about it. That's not how he thought of you, otherwise he would not have approached you in that manner.

Also, don't have him bring you to an upscale restaurant and cause a spectacle with the waitstaff because your plate came out with 4 jumbo shrimp instead of 5. He thought highly enough of you to be a classy woman who would simply tell the waiter of the mistake so it can be corrected instead of being carried out by security. (I know this example is a bit extreme but, you get my point.)

I say all this to say....How you present yourself to him is who he expects you to be so don't put on an act knowing the script has an end. I recall a distinct memory from my previous relationship that is relative to this topic; I posted a picture of an aggressive gesture on a social site that was public. My love saw it and asked me to take it down. I brushed it off like it was not a big deal but, when he explained it to me, I felt silly and took the picture down. 

In summary he said, "You are not that type of woman. That is not how you are and if people see that picture, they may get the wrong idea about you. Don't let people speculate the wrong image of who you are."

He was right, I didn't and don't want to be seen as a careless, facetious, and ignorant woman. Women who pride themselves with substance and class are held at a different and most likely higher degree than those who pride themselves with....well, I'll let you fill in this part. A respectable woman should not digress from her stature to gain bleak attention. 

You can be interesting and entertaining without playing the fool and becoming the joke.

March 25, 2015

Must Have Dress + Testing Him

One night a few years ago, I felt the need to buy a wrap dress.  I didn't have a special place to go.  It wasn't for a date.  There was no reason whatsoever to have a wrap dress other than to fill a void in my closet.  I searched all over Google looking through dozens of pictures and weeding through websites to find the perfect one at the right price.  I ended up on eBay looking at this pretty number that was only priced at $22.99....into the cart it went.

At the right angles, the dress shows just enough to let the mind wander.  Although, I do have to be careful on windy days. 

Shoes: Aldo
Necklace: Target


Testing Him

I am not positive if these are truly his words but, let's not focus on that:

It is very endearing for a man to show he is interested in a woman and shows that he wants her in his life.  Yes, we like for men to earn us, to fight for us, to stand by us, to understand us, to comfort us, to admire us, and to love us.  I like flowers, I like "You're beautiful" text messages, to be held, to be tended to, to be introduced to his colleagues, to be looked at with sincerity....I LOVE ALL OF THAT!  But, I will not have that, if I keep pushing away because he may eventually stop pulling. (Please note that there is no man in particular I am speaking of, it's just a generalization.)  A man is still human and has his limits just like we have ours.

Those of us who have been through chaos will not be so willing to let a man have all of us but, we have to slowly allow our walls to break down to let love back in.  If a man has sincere interest, he will help you break down the wall but, don't allow one brick to crumble just to lay another brick behind it.  No, we don't always like to be vulnerable but sometimes being vulnerable gives opportunities for someone to make us smile.  We can't always turn the cold shoulder on those who want us. 

There's no need to always test him.  If he gives you his time, loyalty, and respect, why question his interest? already have it.  Trust me, I am as inquiring as they come and I "Why?" everything.  I notice myself doing it less because that crazy earnest feeling to know every detail is digressing slowly from my persona; I am learning to accept and not doubt the good in a man.  Yes, certain experiences from my last relationship has me cautious and hesitant but, I am not going to allow those bad memories deter me from making great memories with someone amazing. 

Don't let a good one go just because you can't let go of past hurt. Grow to #LOVE 

March 24, 2015

The Dress Archives + Good Men

I bought this dress in 2013 from Dorothy Perkins.  I love how simple and classic it is.  The twist detail on the dress gives it just enough dimension for it not to be plain. 

Shoes are Aldo.


Good Men

Look, we can sit here and man bash until we run out of words, but the reality is not all men are liars, cheaters, egotistical, losers, who are just focused on their next conquest. We women choose who we are attracted to.  Sometimes we are not attracted to the good ones and I raise my hand on this one.  YES, there are good men who are single and want to settle down with a good woman.  Are you worthy of a good man?  Think about it before answering.  Do you carry yourself in such a way that he can be proud to have you by his side?  That his family can be proud?  That his friends respect?  A woman he can seek comfort in without judgement or criticism? Do you invoke intrinsic thoughts or are you just...eye candy?

Let's be honest, we analyze everything about a man, from his attire to his demeanor around other people.  We subconsciously question his every move, "Why did he turn his phone over?". We search for things we have no reason to search for.  We look passed red flags hoping our intuitions are wrong.  We CREATE red flags that are irrelevant.  Sometimes, we, yes, WOMEN, can be the source of our relationship failures whether we know early on if the man is no good but we still pursue or if he just seems too good to be true and we look for flaws.  WHY?


Once you see something that you know will become a major problem, address it but, don't magnify something that is minuscule, like him not calling you or texting you everyday.  He does have a life, he could very well be busy.  Especially if you two just met, you have to give it time to learn each other's languages before jumping to conclusions and yes, I have been guilty of this.  I've assumed and I've fabricated complete stories in my head on why a man has not called and it's silly!  You know you're great, give him time to know it too, if not, hey, someone else will see what he didn't.  That's just the reality of dating.  If you are already in a relationship and have "language" problems, then most likely you looked passed certain issues before having an understanding or you jumped into the relationship too soon.  

Also, you must learn that being wrong isn't being weak (as stubborn and as strong willed as I am, I have learned to identify when I need to back down and let him say what he has to say and accept it.  It's not just about me and what I think and what I think isn't always accurate.)  I was recently brought back to a realist perception after I made comments to a man that insinuated he was placing me in an unflattering category.  He responded with statements that made me quiet and realize that I was making accusations without significant cause.  I backed down, apologized, and said he was right. 

Before anything, you two are supposed to be friends. Ask yourself, Is this a friend you want to keep long-term or do you feel the bond will digress over time?  In which case you either need to invest smart or withdraw quickly.