July 31, 2015

Supporting + Volunteering


This dress is from a local mobile shop called Unlikey Boutique.  I never knew about mobile shops until living in Houston, and it is becoming a big deal among small businesses.  I may consider investing in one of these mobile business....hmmmm.


I choose this dress to wear to a "Fancy" girls night out dinner at Reef, located off Travis St. in Midtown with complimentary valet.  The food was delectable and the manager was very accommodating when more ladies showed up than expected.  Even though we had to split our group, we were still comfortable and attended to.  They offer a great cocktail menu and a BOOK of amazing wines to choose from.  Reef was featured on a show on The Food Network specifically for their porkchops, although this is mainly a seafood restaurant, that was the key dish...mmmm, don't get me started on my love for porkchops...but, I'll have to go back for that since I opted for the fried oysters for my appetizer, the grilled swordfish as my meal, and of course, cheesecake for dessert.  I was a happy Fancy girl!



SUPPORTING


I support small business, especially those of my friends.  The young lady in the middle is Ebony Roberts and she owns Ebon Chocolates & Pastries.


She had a little setup at a farmers market in Sugarland, Texas, and even though it was a 45 minute drive for me, I still wanted to let her know I believe in her and support her efforts.  I bought two of her cupcakes and they did not make it to my car!  My favorite so far is the caramelized white chocolate and strawberry cupcake....my gawwd it was heavenly!


I not only support my dear friends, I also support other women in business.  This photo above is of the amazing, Bri Calloway, who owns The Tipsy Dessert Bar featuring alcohol infused ice cream...yup, a woman's dream....my favorite flavor is the White Russian.  Plus, the great thing with this ice cream is that it is non-dairy.  Now, this does not make much of a difference to me because I have no issues with dairy but, for those who do, this is the best alternative!  Many girls nights at home will consist of a few pints of this ice cream, Clueless, The First Wives Club, Jason's Lyric (Girl, he washed my feet!...don't judge me, I like that scene.) and The Best Man Holiday...by the way, who else laughed and cried consistently throughout this movie?  That damn movie made a fool of my emotions!  I didn't know what to do with myself.  I wasn't prepared for that type of breakdown.  Thank goodness I went to go see this alone...yes, I take myself to the movies and LOVE IT!


I this above photo, the woman on the right is Nicole Kestenbaum, whom is a fellow blogger (Lipstick and Brunch) plus she has a professional photography business.  The young lady on the left is my friend Erin, whom began the woman's social group that I help organize, MsIndependent

VOLUNTEERING


Speaking of the women's social group, in an earlier post HERE, I mentioned that we were part of the women's build division for Habitat for Humanity.  We completed our project on July 11, 2015.  This is the house we put walls up for.  This house is going to a single mother and her three children.  I pray that they have many great memories within these walls and find security under this roof.

July 29, 2015

Sometimes + Humility

         

Just sometimes I like to be...plain.
As much as I like to dress up and be pretty, I also enjoy being...simple.
I am just the girl next door who knows how to style my wardrobe.  I run in heels, sneakers, boots, and barefooted.  I shop at Neiman Marcus and Macy's, but find my favorite things at Target and Marshall's.  In high school, I played soccer and tennis.  For my prom, I did not take a date nor did I ask my father to buy me an extravagant dress.  I did my own hair and make-up and my dress was the same dress I wore for Homecoming but, I had it altered to be strapless.  I was raised in a white collar, middle class neighborhood by an Irish computer engineer who provided me with an AWESOME childhood.  I was once in love and when I fell out of it, my Father said it was okay to start over.



MY THOUGHTS:
Humility


Have any of you read Beowulf?
It is one of my favorites.  It is about a man who makes a deal with a creature that promises him a crown and a kingdom....but it came with a cost...you'll have to read the book to find out the details, or you can look up the Spark notes << Yeah, you know who you are.  Smh...

My overall interpretation of the story is hidden in this monologue from King Hrothgar.  The king is speaking with Beowulf about men wanting power, sacrificing anything to have it, and not knowing when enough is enough.  He is admitting that Man becomes blinded by all his royalties that he forgets he is still human and one day all of it will be gone...it is God's will.  

If you have not read the book, you will not understand, even on the surface, my views of it and how it translates to US in our everyday dwellings.  So let me keep it simple....

Once you have achieved all that you intended to, do not let that new power or new level in life allow you to believe you are invincible...What rises will eventually fall.  The question is, will you fall with grace and still be "wealthy" or will you fall with disappointment and be forever empty?

I say all this to highlight today's society and its unhealthy interest in opulence.  We focus on labels and the higher the price the higher status we have....excuse me, while I overwhelm myself with disgust.  Some women find satisfaction in designer names and are quick to 'name drop' who they are wearing...I, myself have few big names in my closet but, in by no means do I feel elevated because of those labels.  Yes, I like nice things.  Do I require them?  No.  If I can afford it without hindrance elsewhere, then I will obtain it.  I am very practical with my fashion choices for several reasons.  1. I have two children to put through college. 2. Right now it is just me handling my expenses and finances. 3. I do not need to spend frivolously on items I may only use a handful of times. 

People get so caught up in status that they begin to live beyond their means and are in constant struggle to "Keep Up With The Joneses." The may need to borrow money, complain about insufficient income, exhaust in what expenses they have...well, maybe if you didn't buy what you couldn't afford assuming that money will come later, you wouldn't have these issues.  If you want a lavish lifestyle, you must understand it comes with a hefty price that YOU will be responsible for.  So, I suggest you make wise decisions with your money and work hard for what you want.

I have come across a few men who fell into the trap of wanting to impress the world with what they have, then there are others who you would have no clue they drive a $100K car or have a few sensible vehicles, lives in a gated community or has several properties, and oversees many business ventures, because men who understand the importance of stability do not feel the need to showcase their assets....these are the men I admire, this is the type of man I will marry.  Anyone else is just pure entertainment.  For serious consideration, I require a man who is hard working, practical, and humble...the most fancy thing he will have is ME.

You can actually purchase this for $35 at Saks or Amazon.

July 26, 2015

If + Jealousy


If I give you my spirit 
Embrace it

If I give you my soul
Treasure it

If I give you my heart
Protect it

If I walk away
You lost all of it



MY THOUGHTS:
Jealousy 

"Males shouldn't be jealous, that's a female trait" - Jay Z (Heart of the City) 


We do not always like to admit it but, we all get jealous from time to time, with our family, friends, co-workers, and lovers.  It is an insecurity, an unpleasant feeling of wanted to feed our own desires without having control. 

Men get just as jealous as women.  

Sometimes we are not willing to accept things for what they are or look deeper into the reasons of our jealousy.  Let us put this into perspective...

There are people who can make friends anywhere, walk in a room and people are drawn to their charisma.  I know more men like this than I do women.  I consider myself very personable especially when I am in a comfortable atmosphere.  I make my way around the room. laugh, smile, and introduce myself to everyone...but sometimes my actions are misinterpreted as flirtation...it is the same with men who do this and I noticed women become so jealous over this.  Why?

You cannot change who someone is.  You either accept them for who they are or leave them alone.  I do not want for my partner to feel insecure if we are out and I am making connections with people.  I want for him to do the same but, we all must be mindful of the difference in behavior between those who are single and those who are not. 

Since I am still single, my body language, my tone, my simple gestures are those of a single woman.  I may hold a longer conversation with a man, allow him to place his hand on me (in an appropriate manner), and give him the notion that there may be a possibility of getting to know me on a personal level.  When I am married, none of that is going on.  If my husband is not beside me and I am introducing myself to a man, I will keep it very simple...Hello, I am Raya.  My husband is around here somewhere, we decide to come out and meet everyone." << Or something along these lines.  Other than a handshake or a hug and, maybe a cheek kiss from a familiar person, that is the only touching I will allow a man to have when I am a wife.  

My husband will never have a reason to doubt me, only the people around me.  If he were to ever notice something he does not see suiting, I want him to come to my side and make his presence known as my husband...Hello, I'm ________, I'm Raya's husband, nice to meet you. Some people do not realize it but, when a Husband or Wife makes their presence known in a cordial demeanor, it not only lets the person know who you are, it also lets them know you are fully alert of your partner and who is around him or her without being overbearing or aggressive.

"If I licked it, it's mine."

Jealousy only appears for one reason: When someone is not comfortable with their own situations and does not know how to address them in a practical manner. 


Just For Laughs: 

July 24, 2015

Flow With It + Partnership


I can't get enough of this dress.  
It was an eBay purchase that was less than $20!

Accessories: Sam Moon
Bag: Call it Spring


MY THOUGHTS:
Partnership


Have you ever been in a relationship where your sole purpose was to met your partner's needs?  I do not know the ratio of people who fall victim to such circumstances, but some of us do get confused with what a marriage is suppose to consist of.  

You may be expected to cater to your spouse, but what does that mean in turn for you?  Are you always the one making compromises, left out on making decisions for the home, adjusting your schedule, and subduing your wants and "needs" to appease your significant other?  Does your words go unheard?  Do your emotions get unattended to?  Do you feel as if you are always needing to prove how much you are willing to do just to show how much you love this person?

At one point, I did believe that a marriage meant to follow the husband's lead no matter where it ended up...I know now how wrong I was.

In a marriage, you are still TWO separate people coming together as a union.  You are not becoming ONE person.  My needs are just as important as yours.  Do not make a decision about our household or our family without my input or even considering my input.  Do not feel that what you say or think holds more weight than what I say or think.

Repressed Memory: I had completely forgotten about this, maybe because of how shocked I was to hear someone I loved say this to me....While I was in the process of finishing my degree, he told me I was wasting my time and money when I could be doing something better with it for our family...even as I am typing this out, my eyes are filling up with tears...How dare him tell me that it is a waste of time to better myself.  How dare him look down on my efforts to achieve more in life.  How dare him think that furthering my knowledge will hinder our family...did he want me to remain foolish and behind him forever?  He must have ill and delirious at the time.

My next relationship will be a bit more challenging because not only have I grown from a young mindset, I am also bringing 2 children in the mix and if he has any, then we will definitely need to discuss how to blend our families.  For the most part, I expect it to be trial and error but, if he and I want it to work then we will see through any and all errors for the sake of love.

Also, just because a woman may take her husband's last name does not mean he has the only say.  He is the leader, yes but, even a good leader listens to his community.  I want my husband to confide in me, take comfort with me, ask for my advice, listen to my sorrows, ease my pain, and not walk away from me.  One of the biggest heartaches you can feel is feeling alone when your are not supposed to be.

Just For Laughs: 



P.S. My Future Husband is going to LOVE ME! I'm going to keep his belly full of FLAVOR!
I cook with a lot of seasoning and like to test new mixes. 
My ex used to dictate how I prepared and cooked meats....smh.

Dear Future Hubby, 
I want a hibachi grill stove top on a chef's table style island please.  So when you come home from a long day, you can follow the aroma of fresh spices and meet me in the kitchen to hand you a glass of red wine.
Love Always,
Your Future Everything


I enjoy cooking, I really do.  It brings me comfort.  Just let me be when I am in my space.  I do not get a chance to do it as much as I would like to due to obligations and other schedules.  If I could be in the kitchen everyday I would.

July 22, 2015

The Princess + Daddy's Girl


Have you ever heard of the Princess Mentality Syndrome? 
In short, it is a thought process of someone who believes she lives in a fairy-tail world, feels she is the center of the universe, overly concerned about her looks, and focusing only on pretty things.  This is cute for a little girl and it can be beneficial as a young girl becomes a young woman asserting her confidence and assuring her own self-esteem, that is, if she is guided in the right direction.

Corinthians 13:11
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."


We all must grow, including women.  When discussing relationship topics, I always hear a man speak about treating a woman like a Queen.  This is endearing but, I think some men and women have misconceptions of what a Queen does, believing that a man should just love her and she is owed the love a man is willing to give her without much efforts on her behalf.  Yes, a woman was a princess at one time, without any cares and being admired by all the young squires whom may have showered her with compliments and gifts but, to be a Queen, she has know her responsibilities.....

Being gracious
Being fair
Being respectful
Being passionate
Being affectionate
Being loving
Being understanding
Being organized
Being balanced
Being creative
Being wise
Being helpful
Being nuturing
Being supportive
Being the voice of reason

but most importantly...

Being the protector of her King or Kingdom if unwed.
(For those of you who know anything about chess, you will understand this reference.)

*For more insight on the Princess Syndrome and how to guide your daughter through it, read this Article.



MY THOUGHTS:
Daddy's Girl

My daughter at age 3 with her father at the park. My favorite picture of them two.

It is no secret that I am a Daddy's Girl.  I love my father wholeheartedly.  My father does not say much but, when he does, I listen...well, now I do, since I've matured and realized Daddy knows best. 

When a Father (or a Mother) speaks to a daughter about dating, it should sound like this....
1. Do not entertain a man who entertains more than one woman: This does not mean he can not associate with other women but, if his interaction with you is the same interaction with others, then he has not yet decided if it is you he wants to pursue. In which case, keep him at a comfortable distance and don't demand his attention, it is for him to want yours.

2. If he is interested in you, let him ask you out: A man is supposed to be a natural leader; let him make plans to take you out or to spend time with you. Better yet, if he asks you for your input about things to do, then he is showing that not only is he making an attempt to spend time with you but, he is also thinking of you as an equal to consider your input.

3. Don't just read into his words, let his actions prove his sincerity to you: A man can say all the things a woman likes to hear but, don't let that blind you from the reality of the fact he still should show you that his interest is far more than just the surface.

4. When you are out with him observe his interaction and body language towards you: Do NOT let him touch you inappropriately. If you are walking together, see how close he is walking with you and if there are people coming your way, notice if he pulls you closer to avoid them bumping into you or vice versa. Same thing when he opens the door for you, watch if he just only opens the door or if he places his hand on the small of your back, not pushing you but, guiding you in safely.

5. Make sure his eyes are on you: He can look around and notice other people but, his attention should mainly be on you, paying attention to what you are saying and how you are interacting with him.

6. Dress accordingly: Depending on what the plans are, dress appropriately for the occasion. You still want to present yourself as a lady not a trollop who is desperate for attention.  Men may notice the woman in the tight short skirt but, for the most part they only look at her for one purpose. You don't want to be just one purpose.

7. Remain a Lady: Use your manners, say please, thank you, be polite, etc. Keep your attention and focus on him.  Never allow another man to take your attention away from him.

8. Use your educations: Speak how you were taught and articulate what you have learned in your years.  If you talk about sex, refer to intimacy.  If you talk about love, refer to passion.  Engage his responses. 


July 19, 2015

The White + The Epiphany


I always say that you should put out to the world what you want back...
But do we sometimes exude out inner wants subconsciously?

MY THOUGHTS:
The Epiphany
(*Happened on July 11, 2015 at 9:17pm) 

Maybe you have noticed it of me, because sometimes we are not self aware of what we do, but have you noticed how much white I have been wearing lately?...Well, maybe not you but, those around have seen my white looks...Almost every weekend I am wearing white at least one of the days.  Every time I go shopping, I am always picking up something white, even got myself a white car recently (*more about the car below).  I merely assess it as being a simple color that is very universal that gives a 'clean and classy' appearance....well, at least that is what my mind is saying...what if my heart is saying something else?...What if my mind is deflecting my heart?...Could I really be ready? 


All this talk of meeting, people, dating woes, relationship criteria, and marriage expectations, was this my own form of therapy?  What does this mean?  Will I adjust how I interact with men?  Will I start responding to their messages?  DAMMIT!  What I am supposed to do with this new thought?  Let me go pray on it.

I never thought of myself as being a home-maker and I do not believe I could be okay with being only a housewife but, I do like to my things comfortable for those in my home.  As I am continuing to learn myself and what dynamics I can be comfortable with, I am realizing more and more that I want my family life to be very traditional....eating together at the dinner table, having weekend cookouts with the neighbors, attending the kids' games, having date nights with my husband, allowing the kids to have pool parties, traveling to different countries, taking family photos, ALL OF THAT.  So, maybe I am more ready than I let myself believe... 


...or I can stop wearing white and go indoor skydiving!


Yup, that's me pretending to be SUPERWOMAN! 
Who's coming with me next time?!



*I do not know about you but, I name my cars and give them personalities.  This one is Betty.  Betty is pretty.  Betty has everything I need.  The kids really like Betty.  My last car was BB (Black Beauty), and although I loved her, she gave me a lot of attitude and heartache, so I knew that our relationship was failing and before it got worse I had to let her go.

Someone asked me why I do not treat myself to a luxury vehicle, my response was that it is not practical for my life right now.  With my kids still being young and MESSY, I refuse to have juice spilled in my Mercedes! Once I accomplish their childhood, I may consider it......or my future husband can surprise me one day....wishful thinking. 

July 17, 2015

Wolf of Wall Street + The Chase



Complete look is from H&M! But, wait listen to this.....I found these pinned stripped pants on the sale section and you will never guess what the price was!.....$5.00!!!!! YES, I said that right, they were ONLY $5.00 and it was the last one AND IT WAS MY SIZE!  It was meant to be.

Shoes: BCBG

I love when a man wears suspenders.  They bring an essence of prestigious old school class and sophistication.  I think I can get comfortable with this look.

Who's yo Daddy?



MY THOUGHTS:
The Chase


Okay, I don't care what the case is, who the man is, how he looks, what his credentials are, how much money is involved.....women by no means should ever chase a man! I find myself having the same conversations about men with my friends and the same questions always come about...

Why do men feel that we need to make more efforts to impress them?

I understand that we are in a new day and age where women can be very dominate, but I still feel that a man should do the courting.  I've done my share of being the first one to start a conversation, but why should I go out of my way to get your attention?  Look, I am a confident woman, I really have no problem with having a conversation with a random guy, but do not always expect me to approach you first.  I  hold men to a higher degree of braveness and sociability, so I personally expect a man to break the ice.  I feel that when I do it, then the whole scale is off and I am now the more dominate creature...Would you like for me to order you a drink too?...not all women will have this same view.  That is what I expect a man to do.  If you are interested, then make it known, otherwise move along so the guy behind you who's been eyeing me the whole night can drum up the courage to come sit next to me and ask me about my day and it does not have to be anything more than just...making connections.

If we like each other, cool, let's see where this goes, if not, then I'm not going to get hung up on you and find ways to make you want me.  I'm awesome to know either way, if you do not see that then that is not my issue, because there are not very many people in this world I cannot get along with.

(Sighs) I've said this before and I'll say it again...online dating has crippled us and it makes me wonder how my kids will meet their significant others.

Why do some men have a fear or avoidance to commit to one woman?

Now this question is open ended and people have their own view and opinions on monotony and I will say that I understand most point of views...I understand that humans are animals and an animal's nature does not understand union-ship of only 2.  Yet, there have been stories and studies of animals becoming sad or depressed when a companion dies...ie, dolphins, whales, elephants, monkeys, etc. but I guess the nature of man is so far evolved that there is just too much free will and opportunities in the world to be linked to only one person...which leads me to mention that some of my male friends have stated to me that "A man can sleep with another women and still dearly love his girlfriend/wife, but a women cannot separate their emotions the same way."...(-_-).....ummmmmm, WHET?...Yes, women are genetically made differently, we do tend to connect our emotions with many of the things we do or choices we make, but that does not mean that men should be given a free pass to be all willy-nilly about town.  It is one thing to have fun and date, but if you have someone who thinks the two of you are more exclusive, then you guys might want to sit down and have a talk about what your true intentions are, and I will admit that some women do tend to linger on men who show them a nice time, who are sweet to them, and who act as if the are making a relationship grow.

I am not man bashing, I go out to meet people, exchanging numbers and do casual hangouts...I hate the stigma of dating...so I have no problem with a man doing the same thing, just let me know that's what it is.  I will not stop you from wanting to have fun, but also, do not have a double standard on me for doing the same things.  You met a new girl who you want to take out to dinner?...Great!  Go for it, hope everything works out, invite me to the wedding...I want for my male friends and associates to meet their future significant others even if it is not me.  I know I am not everyone's cup of tea.  If we are able to identify early on that my quarks, personality traits, and demeanor is not going to mesh well with yours, then awesome, now we do not have to waste time wondering if this could possibly be a relationship.  I will just be one of your great-looking friends who can give you advice on how to approach and keep your girl!

Maybe I'm the one who's crazy and demanding too much, whatever, I'm sticking to my guns and will continue to sit pretty while having fun with this whole "meeting men authentically" deal, but again, I will NOT chase you, I'd rather flip my hair...


.....or by myself some new trinkets.
Gimme gimme!



Just For Laughs: But it's my reality...
I'm pretty sure this is the real reason why no man has proposed to me yet:

July 15, 2015

Splattered + Go On

I've worn this dress once.  Not sure why, it's a good dress, nice colors, like a splatter design, perfect length, great fit.  Maybe I should dig it out of my closet.


MY THOUGHTS:
Go On...



Ummmmmm....I'm not going to say I do this and I'm not going to say I don't do this.  What I will say is that sometimes learning people is about strategy.  Especially when conflict arises, observe what they do, what they say, how they say it, and how they react to your responses, if you give any, in which case, how they react to your silence.  Take mental notes and access your conclusion.  Then decide whether a person is interesting enough to learn more of or if a person needs to become an absent thought.

Conflicts can allow you to see a different side of a person.  Are they stable enough to decipher all parts and still protect their involvement with you or do they get so caught up in their emotions and go rouge that there is no longer a filter to what they say.  Usually, when someone lashes out without pausing to listen, they are showing you all you need to see.  Just sit there and let them feel like they are being heard while you are thinking up the fastest exit out of this connection.

I believe I've had enough serious, life changing conflicts to not want to entertain any silly or minuscule ones.  So I don't, especially with men...What?...Would you rather me be passive aggressive the next time I see a guy who I digressed from and I act like there is no issue but yet, I proceed to make comments to him and handle him in such a way that discretely digs into his hidden insecurities subconsciously making him wish he never said or did anything wrong to me, all while I am smiling, flipping my hair, and sipping on my drink?...Not saying I've done that before...But, a man who wears a mask and takes it off, won't ever have to put that mask back on for me again.....like this dude...

I need to start making a collage of massages like this.  I do not know why they feel the need to make it known "It's cool, I'm not bothered."...Okay, so why am I getting this kind of message from you?...Some men get so beside themselves and behave like women.  I am fine with a man being expressive and having feelings but, I really give my stale face (-_-) to men who react this way after only a few conversations with me.

This message in particular was from an older gentleman, I knew how old he was before I agreed to meet him...so, I don't know where he is coming from by mentioning his age....I was even the one who suggested on meeting for lunch and he thought of the location.  During our meal he mentioned that he was not looking to be serious with anyone, just wanted to mingle and have fun.  He seemed very hedonistic about it.  He said he just likes to be out and enjoy himself.  I had no issues with that since I am not one to jump into any type of relationship....so, I am a bit confused with his statement of knowing who he is and what he can offer a woman...huh?...Again, no clue where he is coming from with that.  

I also learned that he worked overnights and usually has a busy schedule.  I told him to let me know when he was available and we can hang out again.  I heard from him a few times after our lunch but, he never attempted to make plans with me, I guess he thought I would make the first suggestion again....you know my views on this, a man must take the lead when learning a woman....And him being "so observant" by saying I like thugs and worthless men is derived off pictures he seen of me taken with my two of my male friends, who were dressed in polos and jeans and one of them had a baseball cap on.  Mind you, both of my friends are muscular and very diesel looking BUT, they are far from being thugs or worthless.  As a matter of fact, they both have stable jobs, their own vehicles, their own places, very much involved with their children, very respectful to women, and not to mention, the night I hung out with them, they both checked up on me to make sure I made it home just fine....and yet, this man had a few quirks about him that was a bit questionable but, let me not judge him for what he is not aware of...because "Classy I am!"  So again, once the mask comes off, do not bother putting it back on.

P.S. - This is mainly why I hate doing one on one meet and greets or "dates". 

Just For Laughs:

July 12, 2015

Love Blue + Still Single?


This is a two piece cropped top outfit from Fantasy Accessory Box (Instagram).  I love the fact that this is a two piece, which means I can wear the skirt with any top.  The fabric is soft cotton and not irritable to the skin.  And because the top is crocheted, it's breathable so you won't get too warm even in the sun.  The skirt length is just PERFECT! And you see the pockets right?!


MY THOUGHTS:
Still Single?


I used to loathe the question...Why are you single?....Because I want to be and need to be right now...I can't be single?..The more people I meet, the better I get with answering this question.  I do not take offense by any of it.  I am perfectly fine with where I am at in my love life.  I have dated in these three years and met several suitable men, but stemming from my previous experience, my standards have gone up.  The reason is not only do I want to avoid the same heartache, but also I have risen and I need to be matched by someone who can level with me, challenge me, teach me, push me beyond my limits...if only we can custom make our perfect mate.

This isn't easy, love isn't easy...I do want the butterflies, I do want to smile when I hear his voice or receive a massage from him.  I am not anti-love, I just do not want to force it.  You can love someone and not like them.  I want to be in extreme "like" that it becomes love.  I keep saying it and it may sound redundant but, you must have a solid foundation and a good stream of communication, otherwise it is doomed from the start.  Once you find yourself ignoring your intuition and subsiding to your partners wants without considering your own needs.....it's time to go before you completely become someone you don't recognize....trust me, been there, done that, don't want to go back...


People also ask me, "Raya (or Pooh), there's no one you like or no one in your life you would consider something deeper with?"....Well, yeah, there is but, it is not someone who I openly talk about to everyone for good reason.  Let me explain...as mentioned in this previous >POST< there is one person whom I communicate with in a different manner.  Do we communicate everyday?  No, and that does not bother me, because we are both aware that we maintain busy schedules...and this next one I am sure I will get a lot of criticism about...We live in different states but understand this, I am not looking at our connection as a relationship.

Yes, I like him, I think he is a great guy, he is very sweet, driven, ambitious, not to mention, he knows how to wear a suit well but, even with all these good qualities about him, we still have to remain realistic about one another.   Do I miss him?  All the time.  Do I think about him?  Probably more often than one should think about a person.  Would I like to see him everyday? Of course!  But our lives are not there yet and it may never get there, which is why we are not making any empty promises to one another.  We are letting fate take the lead on this...I mean, somehow, the world knew we would enjoy each other passed a temporary essence and it brought us on the same day, to the same place, and at the same time.  Granted I had my prejudgments of him and there is still some curiosity here and there but, what will come of this will prevail...Heck, he may tell me one day that he just proposed to the love of his life and he has a new baby on the way and he is extremely happy, in which case, I am going to look like this kid....


Yes, I have an ugly cry face but...All is fair in love and war.  I would not want him or any man who may have my attention to keep that type of information from me.  Yeah, I may be a little hurt but, all I can do is suck it up, get over it, wish him the best, and distance myself out of respect to his future wife.  I have been blatantly honest with this man since meeting him and I do not plan to change that about our dynamic.  I have told him about my previous experiences with men and my worries about getting into a new relationship, nothing has been shaded about my truths to him. What reason do I have to lie to him?  If we do become lovers somewhere in time, then he should know the woman he is seeing without doubts.  Right now, we are cool; we are just admiring each other and learning bits and pieces about one another.  In the end he may be the one God has planned for me or he may just be a connection I needed to make to meet the one God really has on hold for me.  If anything, I would hope that we always remain in contact of some form...I'm definitely not hard to find or get a hold of, my contact information is everywhere and I see all my emails.

I want my love to be unexpected, I do not want to plan a relationship.  I just want it to naturally flow.  I want us to laugh and miss each other even though we are holding hands at that moment. I want to be able to share my darkest secrets and not have to worry about him turning them against me.  In the middle of an argument, I want him to just grab me and kiss me with passion, because he will know, as bulled headed as I am, I still need him to cut me off and make me remember that the frustration is not always worth it.  I want to come home and see that he had came home early to fix me dinner because he knows I had a hard day at work.....and I will do all this for him, because love is a mutual exchange.  So, yeah, let me be single until I get to this point.

Just For Laughs: 


Those who know me, KNOW, I do NOT do salads....unless it's is being followed by a double bacon cheese burger with a side of seasoned fried smothered in cheese and sprinkled with steak bits.  So, if my future husband ever gets home before me to fix dinner, it better not be a salad or we're getting divorced!