March 27, 2016

Pink Bunny + Perfect

Dress: Calvin Klein 

So, of course I entertained the other side of Easter...

...and what's an egg hunt without a dinosaur?


I feel like these two images perfectly explain "why" I do not need to discuss anything further, except for one grammatical error but, I can over look it this time.
...(The second one is really the truth.)

Amen. there is no reason for me not to wear a cape right?

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RIP: Phife

March 25, 2016

Smalls + Approach

If she cannot name a song on Biggie's first album....she's too young.

Sometimes I like to pair class with urban styles.  I could have gone with the traditional Timberland boot but, that would have been more on the urban side, so I opted for simple riding boots...more universal. 


I have this conversation all the time with my friends..single, married, and whatever.  I hate when men approach me (which is not as often as some may think) with a premeditated love affair in mind...calm down dude, you didn't even give me time to say, Hello....

Some of you men may say that we women do it all the time, have a whole relationship pictured in our heads before even initially meeting a guy..yes, I have been guilty of this but, I definitely do not approach a man with the names of our future children...yes, I'm being facetious, although it has not been far fetched to have a man consider me his woman before he even a first date or knowing the names of my children. 

Sometimes a man's approach can be too strong, but should I be complaining?  A lot of men don't even approach women these days.  I guess I can give them credit for having confidence but, there is still a fine line between being interested and being aggressive. 

And what's up with trying to break the ice on social media???
I get inbox messages in my Facebook and Instagram from men I have never met and the they ask or state that they want to get to know me....Look, I understand that this may be the new age way to meet people but, the first thing to identify is that neither of these sites are "dating sites" so I am not on my Facebook or Instagram looking for love affairs...I did my run at online dating; I have no interest on doing it again.  If you want to be social and are inviting me to an event or gathering, that's one thing but, to approach me with certain undertones which give me a vibe that you have a particular motives...ummm, no thank you.

And I can never understand when some men get offended when you turn down their "friendship"...Sir, if you only wanted to be friends, why are you so upset?

See, this is what some men fail to realize...approaching a woman with a friendship is very much like approaching her with a relationship.  Both have similar notions and the boundaries between the two can be fuzzy depending on how it is maintained but, when you present yourself with particular expectations to someone who you know nothing about, it can lead to least with me it will...hey, many of my friends will tell you, I'm hard on these men out here!  And I am very unapologetic about it.

Why can't a man meet a woman at a coffee shop, sit down, discuss the primary info, and see where it goes?  I guess with so many options and ways to meet new people, that the majority of us eliminate simple traditions....I still like tradition.

I am not waiting on someone to come around, nor I am actively looking for a relationship but, I do expect for the man who will be my future husband to do what he sees fit for me and for himself so we can become a great pair.

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March 21, 2016

Regal + Fool

Sometimes hair and makeup is not needed when the dress is so perfect!

This dress is an eBay purchase. *Heads up on eBay items, if you are buying from China, you will pay a good price BUT, quality, size, and time of delivery will differ from each seller.  I have bought items for under $20 and the material was, ummm...not to be desired, it was too small, and some orders took almost a month to get to my door, yet others items for similar prices, I loved, fit well, and were delivered within 14 days!  So purchased with caution and do not get your hopes too high when shopping overseas.

This dress is an XL (Asian size).  I may be Asian but, I have an American diet so with traditional Asian sizes, I usually have to go up a size or two. The dress is a bit loose and I am considering ordering another in a Large (it will cost the same to get it taken in) but, I paired the XL with a belt which allowed the lower part of the dress to billow out more, so no rush to order a smaller size. 

eBay Seller: 2011godseller

I also bought another print design in the same style dress which will be featured in a future post.


You play the fool when you make decisions that can tarnish your morals or tarnish how someone whom is worthy may look at you.

You never entertain a fool while waiting for your King.

Translation: Don't give yourself to someone who has not proven himself worthy.  You know what you deserve; you know what you do not deserve.  Don't crown someone who fits better in a jester hat.  This is not saying you can't have your fun.  By all means, enjoy life, just don't get caught up with someone who will not or cannot treat you like a Queen.

People who only like attention will entertain just about anyone. With a Bluetooth signal, a device connects to any nearby devices but, those of us who want something more substantial are more prone to WiFi, we see all the available people but, we connect to the strongest one.

The woman who every man wants but, she only wants you is a good woman.

Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish the fools, they are good at wearing disguises but, allow your heart and your mind to speak with one another.  Only listening to your heart will keep everyone (even the wrong ones) close; only listening to your mind will keep everyone away.

You never entertain a fool when your castle is in disarray.

Translation: When you are involved with someone, your romantic and intimate involvement should only be with that one person, even if the two of you are not on the best of terms, unless you have discussed that it is best to go separate ways, do not send invitations out to welcome someone new into your heart, your home...your bed.  

Hypothetically speaking, if my love and I were to get into an argument, I am going to take time for myself or be around girlfriends but, I will NOT allow another man to believe he can take my love's place, nor will I give much detail to my girlfriends about what our issues are.  Some people prey on the demise of a relationship, especially those who may want what you have or who you have.

If you choose to entertain the hearts of others, you break the one heart that you had completely.

I have witnessed men and women being a bit too friendly with someone when they are on the outs with theirs partners, not many of them had good endings to tell. 

Much like my statements in Hints + Behavior....

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March 18, 2016

Simple + Truths

I love that my hair is long enough to wear these school girl braids.  And when I don't have time to fuss with my hair, this style just takes 5 minutes to do.  Simple enough.


We have has a few gorgeous days here in Houston that it is a sin to stay in the house.  So the kids and I like to venture and do our normal sunny day things....

Coffee & Crepes

and Whole Foods Market.


Last week, a friend asked my opinion on his recent life choices. I was honest. I have seen his choices play out and effect everyone around him but, he is an adult and made his own decisions, so unless he asked, I gave no input...but I did observe. He did not think he was doing anything wrong so, when he did request my thoughts I broke down a different perspective. He made choices that he believed would help him but instead hurt him because he did not consider different scenarios or logic. He just wanted to do what he wanted to do and had people thinking he is living a certain lifestyle. It has actually become the opposite for him. The people who he claims as friends are people with a "small town mentality". They cannot see passed what they know and are not willing to progress and he is too ashamed to speak his truth to them.

So instead, he rants about things being unfair any everything being against him. All these so called friends of his are just "venting partners" who are not suggesting any realistic solutions but, rather feeding more into his woes...furthermore, encouraging him to be...without sense. Even though some of his friends are educated, they still continued to act and think within their own environment. Which is fine but, to grow, you have to expand your mind, thus expanding your world. He has become so comfortable with one mindset that thinking broader scares him and makes him insecure. He did not like to hear that. I let him know that if he refuses to see how his choices hindered him as opposed to benefiting him, then he is not ready to make a change. He did not like to hear that either.

There were several tense moments in our conversation where I pointed out his bad behavior and in retaliation he tried to break me down. Yet, I did not get upset. I let him know that whatever he has to say about me, I have already said out loud to the world, all my pain, shame, and everyone past and present. The call ended by him hanging up on me. What type of friend would I be if I just agreed with everything he did or said without pointing out his unjustifiables? If I never hear from him again, I okay with it. I have done my due diligence.

I will admit, I was a little hurt when he hung up abruptly.  We have been friends for so long that I figured we would be able to talk the issues through.  But, I was willing to accept that our friendship may be over at this point.

About a week later, my friend calls me and says, "Thank you."

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March 15, 2016

D.A.R.E. + Devaluing Your Partner

Raise your hand if your elementary school had D.A.R.E.
....YOU, my friend, are DOPE!

I'm not going to say that I did not dabble in any type of drugs or form of violence...sorry Dad...(I never said I was an Angel) but, I knew not to push certain boundaries when it came to those topics.

Devaluing Your Partner

When you speak negatively about your partner, or even when you make jokes with negative undertones, it lessens the value of your partner and takes from their confidence in the relationship.  Not only that, but others also gain a sense of "right" to then ridicule your partner. 

I don't know about you but, anyone who speaks against the one I am with also speaks against ME.

You chose your partner as well as your partner chose you.  So what goes against them also goes against you.  Instead of breaking down my partner, I would rather guide, uplift, and encourage him.

No relationship we have is simple, even if it seems easy because the two of you get along, there will still be times of dispute.  I am a firm believer of keeping personal matters private especially when involving a spouse or partner.  We can ask for outside support but, any detailed issues should be resolved privately between the two.  With my personal experience in my last run at love, our issues were NOT private since there was a third party involved who sought the demise of our relationship.  And this third party involved others as well, so I could not address anything privately and nothing could be resolved other than the decision for me to leave and move on with my life.

BUT, even during this madness, I did not speak unjustly of my partner, I basically let everyone know he was figuring things out and we were going to do the best we can for our family...even though I knew deep down inside, I was ready for it to be over.

And I might have made these statements before but, when you love someone, it's not enough to just tell him "I love you". It's how you love him.  You partner doesn't just want to hear those words but, to also live in the feeling of your them.  When you make less of your actions, you make less of your words, your sincerity, your promise to support and protect the love you have for your spouse.

I do not know when I will find myself in another relationship and I do not want to love the wrong person again but, I know he is going to love everything I offer him.

When he's happy, I share his joy
When he's proud, I am proud with him
When he's hungry, I prepare his plate
When he's lonely, I sit with him
When he's ill, I bring him tea and soup
When he's cold, I cuddle him
When he's stressed, I lay his head on my lap
When he's wrong, I tell him about his rights
When he's lost, I guide him back home to me

- Raya L.

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March 11, 2016

See Me Less + And This Is Why

"If you see me less, I am doing more." - Unknown

So, some of you know I am close to my father right? 
And my conversations with him are...ummm, amusing for me, no so much for him. :)

And this is why

I was in a mass rush, trying to put my heels on, making sure my hair was presentable, and my dress was appropriate.  Lip gloss; check. Earrings, watch, back up flats; check, check, check.  Business cards; check. Kids bathed, yes.  Report done and ready for the morning, yes. Alarm set for 1 hour earlier than usual...ummm, yes.  Did I wash my car? Do I need to? Do I have time to swing through the wash? Crap, my jacket is still at the cleaners, I'll go there first. I need to get my nails done soon. Volunteering this weekend.  Wait, ATM? Yes.  Phone rings, "Hello?"

I let the caller know I was heading out the door because I had an important engagement to get to and that I cannot be out too long since I have a task for work early in the morning so the kids needs be ready on time.  Then the caller says, "You are doing too much because you are single."

......Ummm, run that by me again.

The caller goes into explanation. After attentively listening to the detailed reasons, I thought to this correct? Would my life be more organized if I had someone to help me categorized my tasks? To maybe pick up dinner on the way home because I got caught up with work.  To make sure my car is cleaned regularly.  To help me dress for important events and to accompany me to them.  Would I need to be so busy if I had someone? Am I busy because I am single? Would he want me to be home when he is home?  Would he encourage me to make more business connections? 

I consider myself an organized person.  I keep an agenda and small note pad in my bag and my one of my phone screens is the calendar widget with all the reminders set to alert me.  But, would my weeks go a bit more smooth if I had a man to help me navigate through it?  It sure as hell wasn't smooth when I used to have one of those!

But, if I were to consider one right now, what if his schedule is just a full as mine?  What if he has meetings every day and needs to be in a different city every other week?  What if he is constantly meeting new prospects?  What if he works late? What if he has children too?  Would I then help him in his organization?  Do we help each other?  Would he want me to accommodate his schedule first?

With all these thoughts, I came to this conclusion...and this is why I am single. I wonder too much about how something will work instead of allowing it to work...because being someone who has many titles, my mind automatically inquires how someone will benefit me and my life, furthermore, me benefiting him and his life.  I cannot just accept anyone, this person has to know and understand my desires, just as I must know and understand his desires.  I refuse to force anything and I refuse to be the woman who just gets married because she only wants a ring and the title of a wife...I want it all...and I want him to want it all and want it all for us.

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March 8, 2016

Hints + Behavior

White with a hint of color always works.


Your behavior reflects a lot on how people thinking and react towards you.  Those of you whom are single, Can you honestly say right now that there is no one who thinks they have a chance with you?  (Well, I supposed this question can also be towards those whom are married or in a relationship....I know some of my married friends "ain't sh!t", hey just because you are my friend, doesn't mean I approve of everything you do.  You're grown and it's not my place to tell your spouse anything, but I will continue to give you the side eye when you tell me certain things.)

If your answer is, No - Most likely you enjoy the attention you are receiving from people so you play on their interests with you. Whether or not you are seriously interested in these people does have a link to how you behave towards the admiration you are receiving but, if you just like being the center of attention, you  may fall into the trap of feeding into your impulses, further feeding into their impulses and then possibly getting into the mess of someone being hurt at the end of it all because your intentions were...different.  But hey, who's at fault with those types are scenarios right?  They should have known better than to be serious about you huh?  Basically, what I am saying is...even if you are not acting on look like a hoe.  Whether you want to take that word negatively or use it as an honorary badge is up to you.  Let me remind you, this is solely my opinion and you can comment on anything I say. I already know a few readers whom I'm going to receive emails from.  I welcome your intake on any of the topics I discuss. 

P.S. - Not being forward about your intentions is what makes you a prick. It's not taboo to have a lot of people fawning over you but, it is a bit rude to string them along as if you are interested in something more concrete.  Don't be a prick.  Now if you are honest with people and they still want you, then their heartbreak is on them.

If your answer is, Yes - Good for you, you must be a blunt asshole...just kidding.  I can empathize with this answer.  Although, several men may have an interest for me, all but one has been given certain privileges to me.  The other men have been told of my disinterest.  How they digested that information is really out of my control and whether or not they still think they have a chance, is again, out of my control...I've told them my piece.  I have been more cognizant of how I act around men due to finding myself in uncomfortable situations where a guy friend reveals that he has romantic feelings for me or he thinks that me being comfortable around him gives him lead way to pursue something.  So, I have learned to keep a cordial distance with single men whom I have become acquainted with.  When they begin to reveal different emotions towards me, I tend to back away a bit further.  I do understand that good friendships can become great relationships but, I am only working on friendships right now and with the way my life is, I really do not have much space in my schedule to devote to male friendships; I make this very clear...and let me make something else very clear, although I have given one man privileges, he is the only one who is getting these benefits and even then those benefits have a cap.  *Only a man with whom I am in a committed relationship with gets all the privileges.

March 2, 2016

Method + Detachment

In his favor...
Dear Future Husband....when I look at you like this...

So let me tell you about Method at The Marque in CityCentre, Houston....

This place is great for events and gatherings.  The waitstaff is awesome, food delicious, and drinks, wonderful!  The ladies of MsIndependent and I met up there after work for social networking among us women.  I made some new connections and friends and before we all left, I asked the bartender (who's name is Ashley and was just a doll!) to make us a round of shots.  I do not remember what the shot was called but, it tasted very much like the milk in your bowl after your cereal is gone. It was Good!


Yes, we all get attached to someone.  Whether we are attracted to their looks, success, personality, sex, all of the above...we get attached.  But what if this attachment is just........nothing? 

Isn't it the same scenario, you meet someone, you like each other, the conversations are very involved, then time goes by and the interest seems to digress either from one side or both?

What does this say about us, that humans are fickle?  But what if you are the one still lingering on and the other person has seem to be more distant?  Should you ask why or should you just let it go and move on?  How do you detach yourself?  Should you fully detach yourself?  The human mind is a query but, the human emotion is more like a do you find your way out?

I guess the most "adult" resolution I can come up with is to back away. (Yes, adulting is hard.)  Sometimes people are nervous to reveal certain things because 1. they don't want to lie to you 2. they are afraid of how you may think and react or 3. you may cut ties from them and they don't want that.  Whatever the reason, if someone cannot explain their absence or lack of presence, then do you really want to continue to seek future possibilities with this person?  And if this person cannot consider how he/she used to be towards you compared to how he/she is now, then how do they really think of you?  Someone who is interested will want to keep your interest.  If that's gone then just let the messages go dry and the phone calls to be obsolete, this person may be doing you a favor and saving you from....yourself.

Never give someone privileges they did not earn and draw the line of what privileges a person can have.  You definitely do not want to keep recycling the same feelings for the same person.  Or worse, recycling the same disappointments.  Detach.