October 31, 2016

What Makes Him Undateable?

What Makes a Man Undateable?

We date for the purpose of something more significant correct?  I'm not a contender of dating more than one person at a time; I believe you should focus your energy on getting to know a single person rather than juggling or spreading yourself thin with trying to manage your time and attention with several people.

Besides, you become less of a good catch when you make yourself romantically accessible to a handful of people. So when getting to know someone, how do you eliminate the "maybe better as friends" from the "potential husbands"?

I don't need to give a long lecture of what to think about, you probably already think about these next five points but, for kicks, let's highlight these flags:

1. When discussing relationships or commitments, he hesitates, draws back, or does not give serious input on the topic. OR, (and ladies never avoid this one) if he tells you he doesn't want a relationship, whether he says he doesn't want one with you or anyone else, LISTEN TO HIM.  He's already made it clear that he is undatable and if you try to coerce him to changing his mind, he will resent you and you will not have the happy ending you initially intended.  Remember, a man chooses his spouse, while a woman can either say Yes or No. (Also, if he is married, then he is definitely UNDATEABLE!)

2. You are always the one adjusting your time and schedule to accommodate him. He can depend on you but, you can rarely depend on him.  You find yourself canceling, leaving early, missing appointments, or rescheduling time with others just to appease him or come to his aid.

3. Your efforts and consideration is greater than his. You are giving more than you are receiving. He asks you for things and you do your best to achieve what he wants but, when you make a request, he falls short of it.

4. When your having a bad day or need a shoulder to lean on, he's absent and not just once but, each time you really need him, he's unavailable...mentally and/or physically.

5. He doesn't pursue you! A man who wants you will go against all of the above and make you feel appreciated, special, and important to him. This doesn't mean that he will "chase" you because no one should need to go to those lengths to obtain a partner but, he will consciously have you see that he truly wants to invest a future in you.

Now, I am not saying that a man who meets all these 5 points is forever undateable, he may just be at a place in his life where he cannot think about anyone else.  If this is the case, then accept that.  Again, don't try to coerce him to want you or force him into a relationship that he never asked for.

- Love Raya

Happy Halloween Everyone! From the Incredible 3!

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

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October 6, 2016

Production + Growing Cold

Dress: Upscale Boutique (Woodlands, TX)
Coat: Forever21 SOLD OUT
Bag: Robert Graham SOLD OUT
Shoes: INC 
*I love these shoes so much that I purchased 3 more of the exact same style and color. 
You can never go wrong with a basic nude pump!

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

Growing Cold

I've admitted to a few people that I am becoming very comfortable with being a "Table for 1".

This is not because I don't like being around people, it's because I have realized that people (men) do not fully accept me, my process.  Let me explain....

The men I have met do enjoy me and enjoy my company.  They entertain my dialogue, we joke we laugh, we have a good time, and when I tell them about my goals, they give me all praises...until... we discuss relationships or they made the decision to consider me to be a girlfriend instead of having me be a genuine, caring, and supportive friend.  Yes, I am a much better friend than a partner right now and that will change once I achieve a few more steps but, right now....NO.  

And, I always say that it's the men who start the relationship, so I give these men the applause for approaching me with their thoughts!  I understand that we all need companionship and no one should ever be too busy to have someone to enjoy life with BUT, I need to get some shit done first...BY MY DAMN SELF!  There are certain achievements I WANT TO DO ALONE.  

I don't mind spending time with someone and taking a moment to breathe but, when that time is up, I need to get back to business.  Yes, I'd love to have someone by my side to support me and cheer me on but, I'm still going to continue my plan without a personal cheerleader.  Plus, I just don't want a cheerleader, I want a leader who I can admire and motivate me to be even greater.  I also don't want to start a relationship and only be able to bring half of what he is able to bring to the table.  I want to be able to call him and say, "Hey baby, I know we've been working a lot and we've not had much time for each other, so I booked us a trip to Fiji!" A man deserves to be spoiled too, especially a good man and I'm already the type of person to put a lot of thought in the gifts I give.  I want to live the life I want and be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor, I want my partner to have the same focus.  So when I do reach a point when it's time for me to give my heart to someone, we both will be blessed.

Why is it such a conundrum for some men to accept a women who can provide handsomely for herself and her family?  Or accept that a woman is honest about not being ready for a relationship?  When I do come across people like this or when a man reveals his true thoughts on how a woman needs to be, I automatically shut off my emotions (or what little I expose) and rethink my communication with a man.  I recently had to stop all communication with someone because every time we spoke, he would only wanted to talk about a relationship and because he did not understand why I wasn't open to the idea, he began to make assumptions of me...I don't like that, AT ALL!...  I've learned to block out what will not be conducive to my growth and success.

Some people have said, "It will take the right man to make you think differently and see that you need him now and not later." ...and they are absolutely correct.

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October 3, 2016

The Birds + Handle With Care

I wore this look on the day the Eagles played the Steelers but, before the game, I attended church and a brunch, so I had to be a lady, although, I still was not above talking trash!

Right now, the Birds are 3-0.  So guess who's a happy girl...

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

Handle With Care

Do you ever have moments when you ask yourself "Why?"

-Why are you working so hard?
-Why do you want this so much?
-Why do you care?
-Why do you smile when you really want to scream?
-Why do you answer "Everything is okay" when it's not?

These moments of questioning is a process of self reflection.  You argue with yourself because you are exhausted and almost depleted to the point of What is the point?  But, just remember, if you stop now, everything that you worked for would have been for nothing and who else is going to pick up your slack for YOU?

You can reach out to friends and family, you can vent, you can lock yourself away but, YOU still have to get your shit done.  Go ahead and cry yourself a river, pour you a glass of wine, soak in the tub, and let it all out.  Then dry yourself off, get some sleep, and start a new day.

These moments are a bit harder for those who are single because you are ideally by yourself and going through this process alone is an ordeal but, those who have a partner also have a role, an expectation, to do their part.  A relationship is work, yet the two of you should be able to pull each other through any personal turmoil.

I've always said, I don't want to be a "housewife" and my future husband will have to understand that everything I am working for now, I am bringing into the marriage.  So we are definitely going to be two working people with our own drive to succeed.  And if he's had a hard day at work, I want to make him feel better.  If I've had some problems in the office, I'd like him to ease my headache.  But, even with this topic, I tend to ask myself...

-Am I living in a manner that will make me a good wife?
-Am I practicing ideals that would make a man proud to have me?
-Is my wall really necessary?
-Is keeping myself hidden away conducive? 
-Should I continue to "wait"?

It's all frustrating and overwhelming but, you still have to handle yourself with care and remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing and what your end goal is.  If you need to take a break, do so, and come back refreshed and ready to hit the ground running.  The point is to become Stronger.

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