December 27, 2016

Relationship Media

Those of us who are on social media, we get bombarded by quotes, meme, and videos about how to find the "right person" and maintain a happy relationship.  It's all cocka-mamie bs.  Yes, the messages are intended to be helpful and allow you to generate thoughts about relationships but, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.  We love differently, we show affection differently, we perceive others differently...and this all has to do with our previous experiences.  How I may show my interest to a man can very well be different from how another woman shows her interest. 

The messages we see are our timelines or news feed are inspirational to some and questionable to others...

Exhibit A: 



Exhibit B: 


Exhibit A gives you the idea that if a woman gives a man the husband treatment without having a ring first, he should keep her (*still doesn't mean she'll become his wife)...I know of few of my friends are spitting nails about this idea...while Exhibit B tells you that as much as one woman can do for a man, it doesn't guarantee her a ring...I am more of an Exhibit B woman. ➞ You can do everything in your energy to show him you can be a good wife but, if he's not showing you he can be a good husband or not giving you any notion that he wants to be YOUR husband...then you've fallen in love with his potential.

I not saying you shouldn't read the quotes or not watch the relationships videos and feel good about them, I am just saying to be realistic about the type of person YOU are, who he is, and what YOU want.  What you are willing to compromise is all up to you.  The decisions or changes you make should be alongside his but again, we are all different, how the two of you agree to make your relationship work will not always match how another couple makes their relationship thrive.  It's a 50/50 partnership with both of you putting in 100% the effort.

- Love Raya


EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


I've pretty much been hibernating this holiday season...


...and getting ready for 2017
because 2016 had me like this ⇩⇩


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December 17, 2016

I Like My Solitude


My friends really get on me about this...I love you guys for caring...I just have that "relationship" switch in my brain turned off with a strip of duck tape holding it down.  My life is about maintaining balance right now, I don't need someone to come in and adjust anything throwing my equilibrium off.  And I'm not the only one.  Many of the single women I know are very much focused on other aspects of their lives; a man just happens to be last "accomplishment" on the list. 

2017 is about to begin and I have a whole new "to-do" list that I need to be sure I complete. ✔

Men get focused on their own lives too and don't want to be detracted by a relationship.  In fact some men get roped into relationships and not fully be in the relationship because his mind is more directed on work and retirement.  Just like I don't want half his attention, I don't want to give him half my attention either.  I don't want a disconnect with my partner.  

If we are building together, then that's a plan that will require a very thorough discussion before going that route, until then, I am going this way.  ↗

Look, I'm not playing with you men. If you cannot add more virtue to my life, you won't make it with me.  I refuse to allow some f*ck boy come into my life and see everything I have built and think to himself, "Hmmm...she's already done all the work, let me just sit my stuff here and reap all her benefits." NO SIR YOU WILL NOT!  If you don't already have things in place to accommodate the life you want, then do not dare expect me to have it done for you.


My preference of solitude can become more of a curse than I see as a gift but, you are going to have to be an amazing man for me to step off my pedestal.  Would you not rather have a woman who has your same drive and ambitious nature?  You two would be unstoppable.  But, if you are not at her same caliber...


- Love Raya


EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


Although, at times...



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December 6, 2016

Evolution


As the years go on and another new year is upon us, many of us have learned to take care our own needs because the men, for one reason or another, fall short of being adequate in our lives.  Now, of course we women need to analyze what we need vs what we want and what we can live with vs what we can do without.  We also need to accept the fact that men do not think and speak like us.  Understanding is key.

Understand most men are like children...acting before assessing.  Yes, they grow into men but, they can still behave in the simplest boyish notions. 😑😔😕😞 Evolution has a funny way of skipping certain details.

**My father even irritates my soul when when he says or does things without giving full thought to it...and this man is damn near a genius. 😫

I am also becoming the woman who will be married before anyone even knows that I have someone in my life. ✋ Unless it is necessary for you to know, then as far as I am concerned, everything about him is not your business.  At most, I'll share with my friends and family the basic details but, with everyone else...."Yeah, there's a man I like."

I have learned over the years that privacy is very important, for your relationship and for yourself.  A friend and I had this discussion the other day, not everyone needs to know your every plan or your next step.  She brought up a great point, When people are privy to insight into your life they begin to feel entitled to continue to know more...further giving or enforce their own opinions onto you.  Sometimes you can receive advice without really asking for it.


I have good people around me and I know they will not refer their thoughts to me absent of their genuine concerns but, I also like to give myself the chance to identify what I can change before seeking guidance.  And when they do share their input, I welcome it, whether or not it is in favor of what I feel about it.  As we grow through life we ideally should learn to take in the world around us and see the benefits of each crack.

As stubborn as I can be, I am open to opposing views and can appreciate the different perspectives.  We cannot evolve if we remain one dimensional. 

- Love Raya


EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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