August 17, 2017

Not My Dialogue

In my opinion, I feel there is certain dialogue that no woman should accept from a man she barley knows.  Please see the text communication below....


I was being honest and expressed that I was not comfortable or impressed with his "humor".  Before this, we had one phone conversation and he made similar statements eluding to us eventually being a couple.  That was a red flag for me, You don't know me or anything about me, so instead of just talking to me in a friendly manner and slowly learning me, you automatically dive heavy into relationship talk?  No, sir. 

There are so many other things in life to discuss to better allow me to determine what type of person you are.

Plus, his response was a bit dismissive, "Come on doll." >> ?? When did I become Doll?  And no, I did not know what his intentions were BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THIS MAN WELL ENOUGH TO ASSESS WHAT HIS MOTIVES ARE. 

I'm also not sure what boundaries he was referring to or what relation that had to his words vs. my words.  I just continued to observed his conversation.

And honestly, some women may have gotten excited over that, because some women are looking to attach themselves or looking for that sort of attention. 😕


So, I responded in a MY unique way....


I decided to let him have the last word because he did not seem to identify the point I was attempting reach, and maybe he did not want to understand my opinion.  And okay, he was joking or being playful but, had his first conversation with me not have similar condensations, I would have just laughed along.  In his defense, what he was saying in our first conversation could have been good substance for him but, for me, it was just words to say just to say them.

Apparently, no other woman has addressed this with him or he has not met someone with my type of mindset before.  He might have been a good guy but, there were already one too many concerns.  If I ever see him again, I won't ridicule him, I'm not evil.  I'll say hi and go about my way.

 I didn't have the patience to respond to him with a thesis on how not to speak to women of a certain kind.  So, rather than me waste my time and entertain someone who is not open to understanding, I saw my exit and left it alone.


Background on how I met this young man: I was with my two girlfriends and they wanted to stop by a particular bar.  After a few drinks, I began making small talk with everyone who was within 5 ft. of me!  In the midst of this, I exchanged numbers with several people. 

For me, I do not feel it is a big deal to give my number out because I control what I say to someone and how I say it and I am clear about what I don't want.  I also control what my intentions are and I can always chose not to communicate with someone.  Yet, what I cannot control is the impressions people have of me.  And when I do give my number out, my intention is NEVER to create an instant relationship out of it.

Just because I'm friendly, don't mean I'm fast!


Ladies, don't be basic and allow a man to gas you up or distract you with frivolous talk.

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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August 12, 2017

Being Careful

While having lunch, my daughter and I are discussing life as we normally do over food.  The topic of dating arises and she says to me, "Mom, you need to be careful around men. You really don't need to be around them at all. What is the purpose of hanging out with them?"

I love this kid. And she reads my posts...against my better judgement.

I did not give her much feedback other than telling her that she has nothing to worry about when it comes to her mother and men. I am sure some of my friends, male and female, who may be reading this will concur...I am hard on these boys out here! >> In my full Northeast attitude: Don't pop fly to me homie, I came in already unimpressed, sir.

I am VERY careful with the men I chose to be around.  I have several guy friends, some are a bit sweet on me and have either expressed or acted in a way that let me know, they would want something more with me, I am extremely careful around these men.  Other friends are just platonic and there is no inkling of any ulterior motives but, even still, I am mindful of what I say and how I behave when I am around them.

My reasoning for this ties to my last post: Exclusive.

With so many selections, I choose none.

Photo Location | About Rocks, Lawndale Art Center, Houston, TX

I am very personable when I want to be and I have made and will continue make connections with people when I go out BUT, that does not mean I am available for anything aside from just making a simple connection. 

Some of you may be thinking, Well, how will you ever meet someone? Start dating? Get married? << I do not have an answer for this.  Whomever is supposed to be my significant other is either already in my life or I still have yet to meet him.  And whoever this man may be is learning or will learn the type of woman I am, the type of woman I was, and the type of woman I will become.

I crossed my bridge and closed off many old roads.

I am finding my peace with the new journey I created.

I will amazing for him and our family when I cross that path.

Photo Location | Japanese Garden, Memorial Herman Park,  Houston, TX

Dress | Elan USA


EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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August 1, 2017

Exclusive

Sometimes I get questioned or scrutinized about not dating...or at least not having a "friend" nearby.


I don't even know what dating is anymore and everyone has a different definition.  And from what I've been seeing, "dating" is just another term for casually sleeping with someone or more than one someones. Granted, there are some...few...people who consider dating a serious process in the next step towards marriage, So not all of us are lost. 

Whatever the definition is, I don't want to be a loose woman.  As big as the world is, the more people you know, the smaller it gets, and during times when I am being an extrovert, I do meet a lot of people and those people are likely to know more people thus, leading to everyone being connected.  Hence, I like to keep myself exclusive. 

I joke with some of my close friends saying, "My hoeing days are over." referring to pre-children years where my promiscuity was an unbalanced scale of rumors and reality, high school boys are the worst and the catty girls weren't any better 😒.  Also referring to the post EX year, where I did toy with a few young men, I'm not sorry about it either and those few may think they got the best of me but, Oh honey, you have no idea of all that you weren't privileged to.  And if sex is the only thing you have over me, then sweetheart, Good for you! Because being with me must have made you feel very accomplished 😉.  Today, I laugh at it all and chalk it up to, Hey, I enjoyed my time!


The problem with having a "friend" nearby is...People tend to get attached and feel you are obligated to always be available to them.

How often is he going to want to see me?
Is he going to throw a fit when I don't have time for him or don't want to see him?

And if sex is the only thing that's keeping me and someone connected, then he can see his way to another woman.

🠝🠝 I don't have the patience for any of that shit. So I avoid it.  🠝🠝

The problem with today's dating scene is...People tend to get attached and feel you are obligated to always be available to them, especially when there is no mention of a stable relationship.

How often is he going to want to see me?
Is he going to throw a fit or distance himself from me when I don't have time for him?

If sex is the only goal, then he can see his way to another woman.

🠝🠝 I don't have the patience for any of that shitSo I avoid it.  🠝🠝

 I may be becoming the type of woman who will do better in a long distance relationship...But, let's not get excited with this thought, I'm still very guarded and have trust issues.  Yet, I do feel the days of true courtship is behind us. 

I just don't want to welcome anything meaningless in my life.

I'm blessed.  I'm happy.  I'm enjoying the universe. I surly don't want a man to come into my space and sugarcoat 'just sex' by hiding it behind dating or empty friendships.

I going to continue to be exclusive, sharing less of my personal goods and more of my mental dimensions.  Like it or leave it.


Dress - Elan USA



EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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July 11, 2017

72 Hours


I took a quick trip back home for some familial business.  I decided to be mute with telling too many people I was coming because I had a schedule and I did not want to overwhelm myself, Sorry to those I did not tell, I'll catch you next time.  

My flight in was through American Airlines, $110 one way, one checked bag, $25.  I hopped on the earliest schedule, 5:55am CST, Why I torture myself, I don't know.  I went through the security check and for the first time I had to be thoroughly patted down.  I was not very pleased with this yet, I was too tired to argue or cause a scene and have to be escorted out of the airport by security.


I asked the TSA agent where she will be putting her hands, I am very particular about personal space, and since I was wearing a knee length dress, I wanted to make sure I, nor she, needed to pull it up a little. 😟 No, my clothes stayed as they were and she showed me the areas she needed to 'secure' and I was okay with it.  The pat down was not aggressive or even very long but, I did feel a bit uncomfortable during the process.

The flight arrived in PHL at 10:22am EST.  I shuttled over to Dollar Rental and was given a...I don't know, something tiny; much smaller than what I am used to but, to get the most of my coins, I elected to reserve the 'deal' price through Expedia.com, less than $100 for three days.

Side Note: Dollar Rental will hold $350 on your Master Card if you did not prepay BUT, they will only hold 15% of the estimated total on a Visa Card, so either pay for your reservation in advance or use a Visa when at the counter.

I then took to the highway towards Baltimore, MD to visit a cousin who just moved there to practice urology, Yay, Dr. Cleary!  He had a scheduled workout for 6pm at Equinox Gym near DC. I have to give my dear cousin some grace, he does not know my hatred for working out but, I decided not to to be bummer and play along.


To my surprise Equinox gym is very well equipped with EVERYTHING. It considers itself a luxury gym, if you couldn't already tell by their membership fees. They have a variety of cardio and weight machines, plus the types of workouts were separated by floor, you can guess which floor most of the women...and me, were on. There is an Equinox gym in Houston, I may attempt to get a membership but, let's not hold our breathes. After the workout, we headed to Lewis, DE to see my Aunt, this is what I love about the northeast, 1-2 hours in the car and you can be in a different state. The following morning, I drove back upstate to meet with my sister who was also arriving in Philadelphia.


First on the agenda for us was CHEESESTEAK!  Kevin Hart, who is native to Philadelphia once said, "I'll only get cheesesteaks in Philadelphia.  No one else does it right."  Oh, how accurate you are Mr. Hart...Houston, I love you but, you need to get your dough and chopped meat together.  For tourists, the places to go for hoagies is Geno's or Pat's but, I have always loved the mom and pop establishments hidden in the small neighborhoods.


After lunch, we spent the rest of the day acting like a tourists...

Adam, The Thinker, The Shade - Rodin Museum
George Washington Monument
I understand the history of America is not sensitive to everyone, nor is the history of the world; research both World Wars.  Even in my Asian culture, there were inhumane events that took place.  I can empathize the pain some people may feel when seeing certain images and not all history is great.  I am not going to debate my thoughts or am I trying to void anyone's passions about their views.  We all shed a tear for history. 

The Shade - Auguste Rodin
Swann Memorial Fountain
This was at Sister Cities Park. The "LOVE" statue at
Love Park was temporarily moved for construction.
The sister "running" up the steps at the Philadelphia Art Museum.
She tried to have a Rocky moment.
Up and down Ben Franklin Pkwy were flags from other countries.
I found mine.

At the end of the day, my sister and I separated, I got a nearby hotel using the Priceline App and snagged a deal on a 3 star hotel.  In the morning, I drove down to New Castle, DE to see if my favorite Thai Restaurant was still in business...YES IT WAS!

Tasti Thai, New Castle, DE

After my delicious lunch, I went to my other Aunt's house in Wilmington, DE who was hosting a baby shower for my other cousin....and there was more food.  My Aunt got several trays of hoagies, I did not take as many photos here.


When visiting Delaware, Capriotti's is one the best sub shops you must try!  It's actually on almost every traveler's guide as one of the top 10 places to eat.




My sister, leaving a note for the new parents. 

When the baby shower was over, the sis and I headed to Middletown, DE to see the old house.  She attempted to knock on the door to ask if we could come in, not creepy or weird in any way..."Hey stranger, you don't know us but, we used to live here and wanted to know if you'd let us in to look around." 
😜😊😇...but, no one answered the door.

Look at that lawn! My father and I planted those trees.
It was an adventure mowing the grass and this is only the front of the house!

After our nostalgic pit stop, we went our separate ways again.  I ventured further into Middletown to see my 3 godchildren.  Only one was home and he has gotten so tall and handsome!  His voice is different as well!  When he came up to me and said, "Hey Aunt Pooh," I almost cried but, I didn't!  I spent a little time there catching up, then I headed towards another friend.

On my last day, I ended up missing my 2:30pm flight due to the main highway being shut down and I had to purchase another flight for 6pm through United Airlines, less than $200.

 Before the flight, I made a stop at Wawa.  Anyone who has ever lived in the Delaware and South Pennsylvania regions know about Wawa!  It may not seem like much to visitors or anyone else foreign to the areas but, it is everything to the residents!  Wawa is a convenient store chain with great coffee, snacks, drinks, a deli counter, ATM, emergency supplies, and other necessities for your day; some of the locations have gas pumps and are usually priced lower than competitors.   The best part is they are open 24 hours.  "Wawa Runs" at 2am were common in my early twenties. 😝😏😆


My original flight back to Texas was through Spirit Airlines, $181 one way with one stop in Florida, one checked bag, $32.  This was supposed to be my second time flying Spirit, the first was earlier this year with a round trip travel to Las Vegas.  I have heard people complain about the pricing through the airline stating, "They charge for everything!"  This is true BUT, they are very upfront with their fees and do not have any 'hidden costs'.  Everything is outlined on their website, if you do not take the time to read the details, then who really is to blame??? 👀

Well, Penn, Del, and Maryland, until next time.

READ ABOUT MY OTHER TRIPS EARLIER THIS YEAR
⏩ VEGAS ⏩ NOLA

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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⮞⮞All opinions are my own and do not represent the views of my employer and/or sponsors.⮜⮜

July 4, 2017

Do Men Settle?


When it comes to dating and relationships, women are always telling each other, "Never settle." Do men go through the same notions? 

The act of "settling" is best defined by the person who believes she has settled. It does not necessarily away from the man, he could still be a great guy, but ultimately, he was not her ideal man or first choice. Hence, he did not meet a certain criteria for her but, overall he was good enough and she just want a relationship. 

Do men settle for a woman who was not his ideal match but, instead a woman who is just good enough? A woman who he feels will always be present in his life, no matter the circumstances? Therefore, would he begin to condition his thoughts and feeling to adequately "accept" her?  And has the dating pool become so shallow that our best option is to settle?


Maybe men have settled into a lifestyle that has worked for them: those who have a way of talking a woman into doing what he wants by saying sweet affirmations and complimenting her in some form; those who have learned to disguise their ulterior motives very well; those who just have a way with women that can't be easily explained.  BUT, some women allow themselves to believe that if she does not appease a man, he will not consider her. Sighs to my fallen ladies whom are trapped in this way of thinking.

Honestly, men are simple beings, Fellas, I say that in the most loving way.  I believe men want different things at different times, and maybe from different people.  On Friday, he may just want sex.  On Saturday, he may just want to catch a movie.  On Sunday, he may just want to talk.  Each of these days may be with different people and the rest of the days, he may just want to be left alone.  The problem is, many men do not know how to articulate exactly what they want from a woman, and ladies, it's our fault.  We get too emotional and too wrapped up on the wrong details.  We always want to know the WHY of things.  

Here is something to keep in mind: MEN DO NOT LIKE TO EXPLAIN THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY TO A WOMAN WHO HE IS NOT EXCLUSIVE WITH.  A woman's emotional state can cause a man to not be completely upfront with a her because she wants to harp on every fukcing minuscule detail that has nothing to do with the bigger picture and he does not want the headache.  The point is, if he wants to love you, he will love you and you will feel loved, not needing to question his every word or action.

Jumpsuit - Vanity Kloset

If it takes years for a man to chose you (not years of consistent dating, just years of going back and forth with you), then I am eager to wonder why his heart was absent for you when yours wasn't absent for him.  

So do men really settle or does it just take a long time for them to realize what's good for them?

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com



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June 21, 2017

She Did WHAT?!

Ladies, I don't want to judge but, I just cannot get my brain to wrap around the idea of it being "acceptable" for a woman to propose...

Image result for why gif

Let's just go ahead and emasculate a man completely and get down on one knee with a box from Jared's....

Image result for why gif

Let us women just take control of the relationship and weaken a man's dignity...

Image result for why gif

So, who is going to go dress shopping with him and make sure his figure looks great in a fitted gown?  Will he get french tips?  How high should his heels be?  Which bouquet will he pick out?  Will you cry when you see him walk towards you down the aisle with his hair and makeup all done?

Can you grasp my discontentment of this whole idea?

It is NOT MY PLACE to ask a man to be my husband.  I feel the same way about a woman proposing a relationship (if you've been reading my previous post, you already know this.)

Yes, I believe in a trusted and sacred union of two people but, I also believe a man's role is separate from a woman's role when it comes to being in this union.  We are equal in heart and can mentally balance each other but, a woman's position is not the same as a man's. 

I look to a man to lead us into a relationship further leading us into marriage.  However he decides to begin that path is on him, I either take the path with him or walk alone in another direction.  I will not, I repeat, I WILL NOT ASK A MAN FOR HIS HAND IN MARRIAGE!

And let me not start on the men who allow their women to drop down on one knee to propose to them!  Maybe I'm too old school, maybe I need to get with the times, maybe I should just go sit my single ass down somewhere and wait for a man to pop the question....

Insert the stare down.


I'll continue to sit on maybe with my stubborn self.

I have my principals.


EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


*PS: Any potential husband who wishes to propose....size 6, gold band, princess cut.  And you would need to have been consistently active in my life for at least 1 current year and we both need to have taken considerate interest in one another...this should eliminate pretty much 99.9% of the men in my peripheral life.
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