In Consideration Of

Being a single mother is more than just providing food and shelter for my children.  It is also providing stability for them.  I spoke about stability in a previous post, this is in conjunction to that thought...

I have 2 children and if I decide to embark on a new relationship, I have to think about them first.  I have to be sure of the relationship before placing a new man into my children's lives.  I have to be comfortable in knowing that he will love and care for them the same way I do.  We need to have similar parental instincts.  Also, there is no telling if he will have interaction with my ex...since I barley communicate with the ex but, that may become a factor and if it does, I cannot have a man who will shy away at something that I still don't know how to handle.

Don't just be a strong supporter and provider, be a strong parent as well.  And even if he has no experience with parenting, here's a newsflash...NEITHER. DO. I!  I am just winging it!  I don't have adult children, my eldest is barley a teenager so, I don't know what will work and what won't.  I can only use my best judgement and pray that my kids grow up to be positive contributors to society.

There is so much I need to think about in consideration of my kids...

Is this relationship leading to marriage?
First and foremost, if this man is not planning to have a committed future with me, he need not come around my kids or get to know them, other than what stories I tell him.  Previous men who may have met my kids in passing were not significant enough to say, Yes, he knows my children.

Will we need to move?
I am not opposed to moving into a home that my husband is providing even if it means a new city or state but, he and I need to have an understanding that I want my kids to be happy and for the transition to be comfortable for them.  They've been uprooted once before when I left their father.  If we are moving again, stability on both ends must be established first.  Will my employer change? Will my career change?  Will my personal income change?  What is he expecting of me when we move in?

How will their environment be different?
Since their father isn't proactive, how proactive will this new man be?  Does he have children already and how are we going to help both of our families to blend?  What of the mother of his children?  Do they have a cordial relationship?  Last thing I want is to bring my kids into a tension-fueled atmosphere. 

I cannot answer all these questions alone and whomever I begin a relationship with may not have all the answers either but, we definitely need to have a plan that includes all the babies.

Top - Express | Cropped Sweatpants - Target | Wedges - DSW | Hat - Amazon

I witness and hear stories of mothers whom are in and out of relationships, exposing their kids to different people all the time.  I don't want to be one of these mothers.  I'm not saying that mothers like this are bad mothers, I'm just saying that I don't want someone consistently around my kids unless I am positive he will be a great fit in our lives.  And if this keeps my single longer, then so be it.  There is nothing that I need from a man that can possibly derail me from considering my children.

Even though I do not want more kids of my own, I'd be wasting my time to be involved with a someone who can't or doesn't want to be a parent to Vanessa and Gabriel.

- Love Raya

P.S. - If you are an online shopper like me, you definitely need to sign up for Ebates!


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