April 3, 2017

No Time Nor Patience For Instability

I am a bit too busy these days enjoying the life I am creating for myself.  And I get perturbed if a man is expecting something instant from me especially, if we just met or if we barley know one another. I am not going continue to interact with anyone who has premeditated intentions for me other than to become my friend and learn the person I am before deciding if he wants a serious future with me.


And as innocent the following statement may be, hearing even once is one too many...
(No insult to those who've said it, I'm just saying...you need to find a better way to approach a certain type of woman.)

"I want to know if I am wasting my time?"

Ummm...yes, yes you are sir if you feel the need to ask that.  To me, this means you are expecting something from me before even knowing anything about me.  Maybe other women are more receptive when hearing that, I don't know, yet when I hear it, I shut off completely.

Sir, let me not waste your time since....
You do not know what I have going on in my life.
You don't know what my daily schedule is like.
You don't know what my goals are.
You don't know what I enjoy.
You don't know what my peeves are.
You don't even know if my personality will be cohesive with yours.

You just know that I am appealing to you and you want to know where it can lead and how soon it can get there.

Granted, I must give men some credit for wanting to know BUT, you cannot predict the future and once you make an indication that something more serious can occur, you then open yourself up to an expectation that he now is waiting on you to meet.

No, that is not how I operate. 

What happened to simple pleasures of simple conversations?  For men I just met,  I don't know enough about you to have imprinted onto my life so, there is no love lost if I never interact with you again.  And if I never interact with you again, then it was never meant to be more than a brief meet and greet.  Let us not make this weird and fabricate a non-existent love story.  And if we meet again, so be it but, I will not push my personal wants onto someone, especially if we do not have a clear understanding of one another.


I may not be translucent on exactly what I want but, one thing I do require is Stability and I will not be able to learn that from a man in less than an hour or just because he tells me that he's secure.  This is something I need to witness and continually see.

Do you have stable employment? 
Do you have a stable residence?
Do you have a stable financial plan?
Do you have a stable outlook on life?
And if something happens to that stability, how resourceful are you to regain that security?
Or do you expect someone to help you figure it out?

If we share no finances together, no business together, no common space together, then I am not responsible for any setback you may have.  I can give you words of encouragement and give you my opinion but, you will need to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

Is this cruel of me?  Maybe.  
Yet, I do not expect for someone else climb my obstacles for me.


I once dated a man who solely relied on me for just about everything, from creating his resume to calling his cell phone service to get details on his account.  At first it was just a little assistance here and there, then it got excessive and I was over it.  He was depending on me too much and the more needy he was the less of a man I saw in him.  There would have been no way to combine our households since he was barely able to manage his.

If I can afford or if I am laying the foundation to afford the lifestyle that I like and it is similar to what you like, then you should be able to do the same, not expect me to afford it for you.  Or expect me to give you the answers on how to achieve that goal.

Have your own stability to match my stability.


If you invite me on a trip and I agree to go, then I am already prepared to pay my portion...whether or not you tell me that you have it all covered.  If we are not married, I do not expect you to take care of anything for me.  Yes, it would be gentleman-like of you to do so but, I know every man isn't able and 'Today's Man' doesn't think that way.

One of my good friends invited on a trip once and I paid my half of the initial expenses.  He didn't reprimand me but, he was a bit discontent with what I did.  It was sweet to know that he was not fully comfortable with my actions but, I am adamant about my current notions.

- Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com



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2 comments:

  1. Hi,
    Although I came here with a different intention (read the second part), I read your post and would like to offer some advise, as I am an old man (74) and would like to remark on a couple of things:
    In woman-man relations it all starts with physical attraction, alias "chemistry". If chemistry isn't there, little can be expected of the relationship. Besides, contrary to women, men start with sexual thoughts and intentions and if they find that the chemistry is there, ties become closer. Very rarely a man will start out with the thought of creating a "serious" relationship. Such will come as a result, in the process. If it does not come, then there is no compatibility. In my love life I started several times with attraction and became involved in serious relationships. Whenever attraction wasn't there, nothing followed.

    Now to the point of my message: May I ask you for a favor? As my blog has little traffic at present, I am trying to increase it, because I use it to sell my company’s products. More visits will increase my blog’s “Google Images” ranking and visibility. I am asking you to visit my blog occasionally, even though it may not be of particular interest to you. Cordial thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. And yet, if a woman is not welcoming a relationship or she doesn't feel any chemistry, nothing will come of it either way. There has to be equal amounts of interest for something to develop. I'm not conditioned in a way to be excited due to a man giving me attention.

    ReplyDelete