May 24, 2017

Have a Strong Presence

A woman should never feel the need to be the "man" in the relationship.  Nor should a man be so inadequate that he allows a woman to dominate the relationship.


I have a strong personality but, I am not going to allow it to overshadow my partner and if there is a situation where I am too forthright in my opinions or actions without considering him, then I need him to call me out on it.  Don't disrespected me but, let me know that I overstepped my boundaries.

And if I am not hearing you, find a way to help me understand, because if you back away, avoid addressing it, or just give in, then who is the head of this relationship? And why should this relationship continue if you don't want to make an effort?

Be proud of me and step in if I drift of into doing, saying, or being someone who may cause more concern than comfort.  Don't just be with me...be present with me.  People can see cracks without them being pointed out.  I don't want cracks in my relationship.


A. MAN. SETS. THE. TONE. IN. THE. RELATIONSHIP.

As strong willed as I am, I am NOT the head of the relationship or household.  I will put aside bearings to allow a man to lead me...he may have to put me in my place a few times...respectfully...but, my place as a woman is not the same place of a man.

Even though I believe both people equally make a relationship work, I can empathize if a woman decides to be the one to make the adjustments to suit a man's life, ONLY IF she feels truly loved, protected, and provided for spiritually. 

A woman will do anything for a man when she feels loved...But ladies, let's not let the love blind us into making foolish decisions that leave us with egg on our faces.  Always remain smart about what you are willing and able to do.  If he loves you, he will understand and not put you in a position where you need balance what he wants and what you are not comfortable with.

Of course, I am not currently practicing this notion, so it is easier for me to say it that do it but, I know I am not so set in my ways that I can accommodate a man I love and who loves me back the same.

- Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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May 17, 2017

Preparing For You

I'm a professional creeper, who is overly dramatic, living through filters, doesn't know when to stop eating, complains about my weight but, won't exercise, likes to shop, prefers my lighting to be just right, and is emotionally unavailable = why I am single.

There is some truth to my above foolishness, so let me explain...


For many years, I've not had to consider anyone's plans but, my own.  I've not had to coddle a man's emotions nor be extra affectionate when he's having a bad day.  I've not continuously had to think about anyone but, me.  This is not to say, I don't know how to be the type of woman who is in full support of her partner, I was her once, and this is also not to say I cannot be her again, I can.  I just did not want to be the woman who is immediately in the next relationship.  I've been so determined to reach certain levels in life that I've not opened up to the possibility of a relationship.  It would not be fair of me to expect a man to be completely ready for me but, me not be completely ready for him.

I don't want to be half a woman wanting a full man, nor do I want half a man.  Granted, there are some things that may improve in my life when I have a partner but, I am not relying on that potential.  I am relying on my own results and what I am able to do.


Many men could not comprehend my views or hesitation, so they would conclude the follow to be true for them: 

She's too high maintenance.
She doesn't know what she's missing.
She can't handle my honesty.
She just wants to play games.
Her standards are too high.
She must already have a man.
She's young-minded.

I really do not entertain these types of thoughts.  If that's what a man thinks of me to make him feel better, then so be it.  And one thing that irritates my soul is when a man is trying to justify how great he is and mentioning how many other women want him...Good for you Sir, you should go call them and get out of my way.  Let me not deflate your ego, and you can leave me all they way alone since you cannot be patient enough to really know me.

*I once told a man flat out, I was not interested in him.  I'm not sure how that could be misunderstood but, he proceeded to go on telling me how much of a good person he is...obviously that did not help him at all.

Top - H&M | Pants - Express | Shoes - Charles David (DSW)

Yes, I am a woman whom has went through certain experiences that has made me be very cautious; made me be more observant, more patient, more understanding, more analytical with a man's perspective vs. a woman's perspective.  This does make it more challenging for a man to get through to me but, it's not impossible...if he is secure with himself and accepts what I am willing and not willing to do, he'll be able to start chipping away.

- Love Raya



EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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May 14, 2017

MOM

I started my family young. I wasn't prepared and honestly, I'm still not. Even when I decided to face a new change/challenge in my life and really become a "Single Mom", I was less prepared than when I started.  I promised them that I would never compromise myself to live an image of what a perfect family looks like.  My daughter has asked me if I'm seeing anyone and I tell her, "If he's good for us, he'll come eat with us." If he can't blend well with us, he can't sit with us...

No sir, this seat is being saved for....not you. 😊


The kids and I did as we usually do...EAT.  We tried out Mia Bella which was offering a Mother's Day Brunch Buffet.  Over the years, I've grown less impressed with buffets but, Mia Bella remained above the norm and had a waitstaff serving out the food, which was also covered, as opposed to people hovering over open trays and poking at what they may or may not like. 


As I enjoyed my meal I pondered on what I signed up for being a mom...

1: Being asked Why for EVERYTHING 
2: Over explaining EVERYTHING 
3: Cooking at odd hours
4: Being annoyed 
5: Being worried 
6: Learning good hiding places 
7: Spending more than I need
8: Arguing about Cartoons 
9: Playing cab driver 
10: Sharing my space
11: Crying 
12. Loving someone more than myself. ❤



I don't know what I am doing as a parent, or even as an adult.  I am also pretty sure these two do not know what they are doing as kids being reared by me.  Luckily enough were are here raising each other.


Vanessa & Gabriel


- Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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May 6, 2017

High Expectations

If my topics are becoming redundant, it's because people keep doing the same things, so I have to keep these thoughts in rotation....


Never be the woman who demands a man to think about her ⚠.

We tend to create expectations for people we barley know.  We expect them to be considerate of our feelings.  We expect them to reach out to us often.  We expect them to make time for us.  Why?  What if this person does not want the same things or have the same plans?  What do you want that is opposed to what he or she wants? What did you misinterpret? 

Sometimes it's not the men, it's the women who have premeditated expectations or demands of him. (Yes, my sisters, we must take some blame for our heartache.)

The only expectation I have of a man is for him to be a man per his own definition. 🔀: Then it is my discretion to accept the man as he is because I refuse to invest time into changing someone who has his own thoughts and plans. ⛔: Unless you are already committed to one another and both identify that things need to change, the "We need to talk" can fall on deaf ears.  ℹ : And the list that you want to discuss, go over, and revisit is probably last on his mind, he may entertain it but, it's not his focus. Especially, if he has many things going on in his life that doesn't require you.

Overcoat - Forever21 | Dress & Sunglasses - Nordstrom

Many incidences result to: She says they're dating but, he says they're just hanging out. She is more involved than he.  Pay attention to your perspective in conjunction with his.

 I have discussed with several friends about their experienced and I never just look at their side of the story.  I consider the other the possibilities of their thoughts or feelings and my response is not always in favor of my friends.

You shouldn't have to ask "What are we?" (I've only ever asked that once. I was 18 then.)  A man who knows what he wants or doesn't want will make it clear.  And if things aren't transparent, he may still be figuring out parts of his life, you can chose to hang on or you can continue your life unaffected.  And if you can subdue your 'crazy' then you can do both.

The only time I had certain expectations of a man was when it was clear that we were in a relationship and had plans to grow together.  And friends who knew me through this part of my life knew I went through the hell and high water! 📉😤


- Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com



SN:  I am not ashamed to say that many of my pictures are filtered, background blurred, blemishes faded, color adjusted, etc.  So when people give me compliments, many times, my instant response is, "Thank you but, I don't wake up like this."  Social media has allowed us to live under tainted glass.  Every now and then, I like to show photos without my 'mask' and usually on the weekends I do leave the house au naturale.
⇊⇊⇊


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