August 17, 2017

Not My Dialogue

In my opinion, I feel there is certain dialogue that no woman should accept from a man she barley knows.  Please see the text communication below....


I was being honest and expressed that I was not comfortable or impressed with his "humor".  Before this, we had one phone conversation and he made similar statements eluding to us eventually being a couple.  That was a red flag for me, You don't know me or anything about me, so instead of just talking to me in a friendly manner and slowly learning me, you automatically dive heavy into relationship talk?  No, sir. 

There are so many other things in life to discuss to better allow me to determine what type of person you are.

Plus, his response was a bit dismissive, "Come on doll." >> ?? When did I become Doll?  And no, I did not know what his intentions were BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THIS MAN WELL ENOUGH TO ASSESS WHAT HIS MOTIVES ARE. 

I'm also not sure what boundaries he was referring to or what relation that had to his words vs. my words.  I just continued to observed his conversation.

And honestly, some women may have gotten excited over that, because some women are looking to attach themselves or looking for that sort of attention. 😕


So, I responded in a MY unique way....


I decided to let him have the last word because he did not seem to identify the point I was attempting reach, and maybe he did not want to understand my opinion.  And okay, he was joking or being playful but, had his first conversation with me not have similar condensations, I would have just laughed along.  In his defense, what he was saying in our first conversation could have been good substance for him but, for me, it was just words to say just to say them.

Apparently, no other woman has addressed this with him or he has not met someone with my type of mindset before.  He might have been a good guy but, there were already one too many concerns.  If I ever see him again, I won't ridicule him, I'm not evil.  I'll say hi and go about my way.

 I didn't have the patience to respond to him with a thesis on how not to speak to women of a certain kind.  So, rather than me waste my time and entertain someone who is not open to understanding, I saw my exit and left it alone.


Background on how I met this young man: I was with my two girlfriends and they wanted to stop by a particular bar.  After a few drinks, I began making small talk with everyone who was within 5 ft. of me!  In the midst of this, I exchanged numbers with several people. 

For me, I do not feel it is a big deal to give my number out because I control what I say to someone and how I say it and I am clear about what I don't want.  I also control what my intentions are and I can always chose not to communicate with someone.  Yet, what I cannot control is the impressions people have of me.  And when I do give my number out, my intention is NEVER to create an instant relationship out of it.

Just because I'm friendly, don't mean I'm fast!


Ladies, don't be basic and allow a man to gas you up or distract you with frivolous talk.

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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August 12, 2017

Being Careful

While having lunch, my daughter and I are discussing life as we normally do over food.  The topic of dating arises and she says to me, "Mom, you need to be careful around men. You really don't need to be around them at all. What is the purpose of hanging out with them?"

I love this kid. And she reads my posts...against my better judgement.

I did not give her much feedback other than telling her that she has nothing to worry about when it comes to her mother and men. I am sure some of my friends, male and female, who may be reading this will concur...I am hard on these boys out here! >> In my full Northeast attitude: Don't pop fly to me homie, I came in already unimpressed, sir.

I am VERY careful with the men I chose to be around.  I have several guy friends, some are a bit sweet on me and have either expressed or acted in a way that let me know, they would want something more with me, I am extremely careful around these men.  Other friends are just platonic and there is no inkling of any ulterior motives but, even still, I am mindful of what I say and how I behave when I am around them.

My reasoning for this ties to my last post: Exclusive.

With so many selections, I choose none.

Photo Location | About Rocks, Lawndale Art Center, Houston, TX

I am very personable when I want to be and I have made and will continue make connections with people when I go out BUT, that does not mean I am available for anything aside from just making a simple connection. 

Some of you may be thinking, Well, how will you ever meet someone? Start dating? Get married? << I do not have an answer for this.  Whomever is supposed to be my significant other is either already in my life or I still have yet to meet him.  And whoever this man may be is learning or will learn the type of woman I am, the type of woman I was, and the type of woman I will become.

I crossed my bridge and closed off many old roads.

I am finding my peace with the new journey I created.

I will amazing for him and our family when I cross that path.

Photo Location | Japanese Garden, Memorial Herman Park,  Houston, TX

Dress | Elan USA


EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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August 1, 2017

Exclusive

Sometimes I get questioned or scrutinized about not dating...or at least not having a "friend" nearby.


I don't even know what dating is anymore and everyone has a different definition.  And from what I've been seeing, "dating" is just another term for casually sleeping with someone or more than one someones. Granted, there are some...few...people who consider dating a serious process in the next step towards marriage, So not all of us are lost. 

Whatever the definition is, I don't want to be a loose woman.  As big as the world is, the more people you know, the smaller it gets, and during times when I am being an extrovert, I do meet a lot of people and those people are likely to know more people thus, leading to everyone being connected.  Hence, I like to keep myself exclusive. 

I joke with some of my close friends saying, "My hoeing days are over." referring to pre-children years where my promiscuity was an unbalanced scale of rumors and reality, high school boys are the worst and the catty girls weren't any better 😒.  Also referring to the post EX year, where I did toy with a few young men, I'm not sorry about it either and those few may think they got the best of me but, Oh honey, you have no idea of all that you weren't privileged to.  And if sex is the only thing you have over me, then sweetheart, Good for you! Because being with me must have made you feel very accomplished 😉.  Today, I laugh at it all and chalk it up to, Hey, I enjoyed my time!


The problem with having a "friend" nearby is...People tend to get attached and feel you are obligated to always be available to them.

How often is he going to want to see me?
Is he going to throw a fit when I don't have time for him or don't want to see him?

And if sex is the only thing that's keeping me and someone connected, then he can see his way to another woman.

🠝🠝 I don't have the patience for any of that shit. So I avoid it.  🠝🠝

The problem with today's dating scene is...People tend to get attached and feel you are obligated to always be available to them, especially when there is no mention of a stable relationship.

How often is he going to want to see me?
Is he going to throw a fit or distance himself from me when I don't have time for him?

If sex is the only goal, then he can see his way to another woman.

🠝🠝 I don't have the patience for any of that shitSo I avoid it.  🠝🠝

 I may be becoming the type of woman who will do better in a long distance relationship...But, let's not get excited with this thought, I'm still very guarded and have trust issues.  Yet, I do feel the days of true courtship is behind us. 

I just don't want to welcome anything meaningless in my life.

I'm blessed.  I'm happy.  I'm enjoying the universe. I surly don't want a man to come into my space and sugarcoat 'just sex' by hiding it behind dating or empty friendships.

I going to continue to be exclusive, sharing less of my personal goods and more of my mental dimensions.  Like it or leave it.


Dress - Elan USA



EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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