January 30, 2017

Expectations of a Man

Expectations of a Man

Just because you are nice to a woman, does not mean your are entitled to her affections...


⇑⇑ Who is this man?
Can we find him and make him POTUS?!


Be a good human, don't put on that facade to only gain a woman's attention.  If I am already not showing you interest, nothing in your "niceness" will change my mind.  The only thing that I will think is, "Huh, he's sweet." ...that's it and I will move on about my day...sorry, my avid readers know that I'm a non-emotional, no tolerance woman right now.  As far as the newbies, 'Welcome, this is my madness!'

I won't take anything from a nice guy's behavior but, I also don't want the nice guy to deplete all his efforts into me when I am not available or willing to give him the same.  It's one thing to become a friend who I can count on and who I can converse to without it being awkward, it's another thing to be a man who's waiting on a weak moment to make his move on me.  This is why I am always hesitant to make male friends, I never really know their true intentions, especially the ones who revealed their feelings towards me in the beginning.

Yet, even if I do not adhere to his advances, it doesn't mean he should revert to being an asshole towards me...no sir, you don't want to play that game with a woman because you will learn very quick, whom is more vicious of the sexes.

...insert my petty face below...


And if you are the type of man to go toe-to-toe with a woman, then what type of man are you really??

Moving on, let's refer to the song, "Don't Be Cruel" by Bobby Brown and some of the lyrics...

Ohhhh, girl
As long as I've been giving my love to you
You should be giving me your love too
But you just keep on actin' just like a fool
You know it ain't cool
......

Girl, I work so hard for you from 9 to 5
So you could have the finer things in life
Since you're the kind that's never satisfied


YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO TREAT A WOMAN LIKE SHE IS THE GREATEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU! 

Okay to be fair, the song is more about a man and a woman, presumably in a relationship or maybe the early stages of dating, so there could be reasons why he is doing the most for this woman.  Either way, a good man is a good man all around, not just for the sake of a woman.  If he wants to extend his expectations, so be it but, don't get upset at the woman because of something you decided to do to make her happy and she didn't seem to appreciate it.

(Don't worry fellas, my next post is about the Expectations of a Woman, and trust me, my thoughts on that are more exhaustive.)

If you feel you are not being appreciated or she does not show you the same qualities, THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE?  This is no different than a woman giving her all to a man who doesn't deserve it.  Move it along and find someone who shares your same views on relationships and love.

For me, the only thing I expect from any man is understanding and respect of my space, that is the minimum for a potential husband. 

Now, if a man does graduate to become my spouse or a serious partner at the very least, then my expectations will be a little more, because I will expect him to consider me in his decisions if we are planning to build a future together.  I would expect for him to be side by side with me in maintaining stability for our present state and for whatever future goals we have.  This includes but, not limited to, location of main residence, type and function of residence, financial allocations, parenting tactics, involvement in social activities, charity or volunteering, retirement goals, vacation plans, and the list goes on. 

I will agree it is harder to get into a relationship now because the make-up of the man has changed mainly because the make-up of the woman has evolved.  Everything that I am doing in my life right now, I don't want to stop, I want to expand on it.  Make more money, travel more, have more time to facilitate with friends and family.  If a man can add upon that, then GREAT but, even if he is willing to do that for me, doesn't mean I am owed him anything due to his willingness.  Nor will I jump at the opportunity to take advantage of his generosity....again, 'Expectations of a Woman' in the next post.



EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

Below, my son has been learning the camera on his tablet...



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January 27, 2017

Self-Confidence

Self-Confidence

I struggled with having confidence growing up and in my early adulthood.  It did not help that I was teased for multiple reason when I was a kid and it did not help that my ex continuously cheated on me with women who were nothing like me.  In the past years, I have come into my own and have learned to love ALL OF ME and others have noticed my confidence within moments of meeting me.  I want for my daughter and my son to carry themselves in this same light.


This school year, my 11 year old daughter is a middle-schooler in Klein ISD.  She is getting good grades and making new friends but, three times she has come home and told me about incidents where another student(s) had a bit of a problem with her.

The first incident, she was sitting with her friends in the cafeteria and a boy demand she move from "his" seat.  There were no assigned seats and his items were not in or near the chair.  He made a scene, threatening to physically remove her himself. (If he laid one finger on my daughter, Klein ISD would not know how to handle me.) Eventually, my daughter stated he fussed off.  The first thing I asked my daughter was how she behaved when he was telling her to move.  She stated she continued to tell him no and went back to her conversation with her friends.  My concern here is why did this young man feel he "owned" a seat that was not specifically for him and why did he thought threatening someone would get his way?  What is he seeing at home???  Aggressive children usually learn from the aggression around them.

The second incident was when my daughter was on the school bus.  She was talking with her friends when a girl told her to shut up and when my daughter did not comply the girl began in antagonize her.  Again, I asked my daughter how she behaved when this girl was making a problem with her.  I told my daughter that many times an aggressive reaction to an aggressor does not solve the issue, it only escalates it.  I know my daughter and I know she has a bit of a smart mouth and I let her know that people with bad attitudes tend to always find themselves in the middle chaos so she needs to be mindful of what she says and how she says things to people; bullies have a hard time learning this.  But what was up with the other girl?  Was my daughter's conversation with her friends so intolerable that she had to rudely speak out?  Possible anger management issues?

The third time, she told me a few boys on the bus were making fun of her looks. Of each of the incidence, this is the one that really irritated me the most...A young boy grows to become a man and these knuckleheads may have been foolish towards my daughter a few times and have stopped but, it bothers me that they have not been taught the emotional damage it can do to a girl when you poke fun of her appearance.  She can become self-conscious and begin to develop low self-esteem further finding comfort from non-agreeable people or create behaviors that may be more damaging.  I will not allow this for my daughter.

I am not sending my daughter to argue with other people.  I am not sending her to figure out what other's issues are.  I am sending her to school to learn the fundamentals of problem solving, discipline, organization, and comprehension.  She will make an array of friends and will learn on her own the types of people who are good to be around.  As I continue to raise my daughter, I cannot control how others are being raised but, I can help her understand her emotions and how not to act irrationally putting herself in a compromising predicament and I can keep her from loosing her self-confidence.

Below, I posted affirmations on my daughter's bathroom mirror to continuously remind her she is an AWESOME kid and that she has every reason to love herself!  My daughter has a healthy amount of self-confidence already and I want her to continue with it.


And of course there is always "no room in the budget" for these types of lessons but, I would love to see schools offer classes that teach the youth to identify their inner person and learn how to not allow ill emotions dictate their reaction towards others.  It is important to teach kids to love themselves and accept those around them for who they are.  It is also important to help them identify certain conflicts within themselves.  We have all these "self-help" books and seminars for adults, why not provide these same ideals for children while they are beginning to plant their feet in life?  We underestimate the importance of self-awareness and in turn, we end up with people blaming others for their own problems because they do not know how to reevaluate themselves.
Sorry, my children will not fall victim to that.

- Love Raya



EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

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January 23, 2017

Girls Rule!

If you have been hiding under a rock, then you did not know that January 21, 2017 was the National Women's March to let Big Government know we will not be pushed aside and silenced!  I could not have been more proud of women than when I saw how many of us came together, all across the nation, to be seen and heard!  The speeches were uplifting and motivational.  Men even came out to show support and the custom signs all around were astonishing!


This march follows the 2017 Inauguration of Pr. Donald Trump, which did not really draw much crowds but, I digress.  I won't go into politics, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WOMEN GOT THIS AND YOU AIN'T SH*T! 😝

We are the mothers of generations past, present, and future.  Don't control my choices, don't control my health, and don't you dare control my daughter.  I. GOT. THIS!

(The only person I would want to man-handle me is my husband when we're...nvmd. 😏)

So think PINK! 
TOP: New York & Co. PANTS: Express CLUTCH: Banana Republic

On the same day of the march, I attended an event called "Women and Technology" hosted by Ameerah Saine of Brunch and Slay, where business minded women came together and discussed the tech tools they use to excel in their fields.


Guest speakers shared their knowledge...


A poet came to inspire and motivate...


And Apple representatives were present to discuss products. (No, I did not cross over, this is where the event was held, at an Apple store. Still Team SAMSUNG!) 


I saw some familiar faces and met some new ones as well!

And I also want to mention that I am connected with some of the DOPEST women in Texas!  Women who are entrepreneurs, business minded, whom volunteer, travel, pray, are goal oriented, warmhearted, supportive, and positive!  Not all of us are petty and catty against each other, there are many of us who collaborate well together!

MsIndependent.net


EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

_____________________________________________

I ended my female charged weekend with brunch at Breakfast Brunch Cafe in Cypress, TX.


Gulf Fish Tacos


Pig in a Pasty


Coffee with a side of Cheesecake

This was the second time I dined here and just as the first time, the service was exceptional.  You can see photos of my first visit HERE

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January 19, 2017

Instant Affairs

As I've grown, the idea of an instant love affair has become a vague interest in my world.  Why must everything happen so quickly?  It'd be best to say, No, I do not believe in Love at first sight.


I was conversing with a male friend the other day and he made a comment that he cannot believe men are not showing much interest in me, which let me to think about my interactions with men in its entirety...

Scenario

Man - "Oh, I think it's great that your are goal oriented and spend time with your family.  It's good to see a woman who is about her business."

2 Days Later

Text Messages

Man - (8:26 am) Good morning beautiful. Hope you have a great day.

Man - (11:32am) How is your day going so far?

Woman - (2:16pm) It's good. I've been really busy, I'll catch up with you when I can.

1 Day Later

Text Messages

Man - (3:49pm) I texted you a few times, you didn't respond.  Are you okay?

Man - (7:24pm) How about we do dinner sometime?

Man - (8:01pm) I'm really trying to get to know you. You seem to not be interested. I'm a good man...blah, blah, blah.

**First, let me make note that the above information is not an actual dialogue between me and any particular man, this is more of a generalization of the comments or thoughts I receive from different men.

I cannot speak for all women but, this bothers me.  If I tell you I have a lot going on in my life and one thing that is not on the top of my list is a relationship, and you see this as a great attribute in a woman, then why is it that you begin to behave differently when you realized... "Oh wow, she really is busy."  - Uhhh....yes, dumbass, I told you that when you met me.  I wasn't telling you to impress you.  Your presence in my life right now is irrelevant and you definitely need to be mindful of how your delivery is towards me if you want to have any significance.  Is this selfish of me?  Maybe, but try to understand my thought process...


Why does he feel the need to constantly chat with me?
I am not going to stop what I am doing at work or take myself from my children because a man, who I just met, wants to speak to me about my day, or my plans, or whatever he wants to talk to me about.  If I have the time, I will respond but, it will not be constant or even instant.

Why is he giving me empty compliments?
Calling me gorgeous or pretty is cute but, it doesn't give me butterflies.  What is his intention behind that?  Does he think because he brings attention to my appearance that I am going to commit myself to him?  I never understood that concept of a man using certain terms with a woman he just met.  I accept it more if it was coming from a man who's known me for some time and who's experiences me in circumstances to see my true beauty.

Why does it seem like he wants to rush knowing me?
Everything takes time and knowing that I do not have a lot of it to pass around, it may take a man longer to know me and if he is truly interested, he'll keep a steady pace.

Why does he feel offended when I am not giving him attention?
If he believe that I am not seeing him for 'him', then don't try to force it upon me.  My life was just fine before I met him and will more likely be fine after he has revealed himself to be an impatient man.  Don't create an issue because I chose to spend some of me free space with people whom have already taken the time to know me.  The exit is over there. 🠞🠞

I need to be comfortable with a man's aura before allowing him to get any closer to me.  Now of course I do not make it very easy on men but, do you really want and cherish what is "easy?

**There has only been one unique incident where I met a man and we continued to converse on a consistent basis shortly after meeting but, that was only one occurrence and for whatever reason, our personalities just blended well which ignited a genuine friendship, so he gets a pass and can reach me more frequently than others.  Have a problem with it? Take it up with the Universe.


So, with all this being said, there is not very many men who have kept interest in me.  And it can be fair to say that they decided to move on and find a woman whom is more receptive than I am for which, I wish them all the love and happiness that I was not able to give to them.



EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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January 14, 2017

What is Dating?

What is Dating?


We are revisiting this topic again because the idea of dating seems to continually change.  It was once considered just 2 people exclusively seeing one another romantically, now it is more like a free for all of anyone who looks your way, so it has become more like a hobby to some people.  At least protect yourself if your just going to be out there sharing your goods.

Even now in the new year, I am still not interested in dating, because my idea of it is very traditional and I have not come across very many traditional men...but what is 'traditional'?  I would like for a man to understand or at least want to understand my life...understand that my time is valuable and that I cannot always entertain simple pleasures.  Understand that my history has built me to be cautious of every decision I make.  Understand that at any giving moment I will change all my plans for my children.  Understand that if he is not adding more substance in my life than I cannot and will not consider him in any romantic or financial manner. (*I mention finances because relationships can strive or fail at the presence of monetary choices.)


I am very hard on men who first met me and I'm designed that way for reason.  You will not excite me with everyday text messages or calls.  You will not get quick responses if you call me sweetheart or gorgeous. Unless we live together or already in a committed relationship, why do I need to see about you everyday?  What new things do I need to talk to you about if my day was the same as yesterday and why would I give you so much detail about my life or my thoughts so early on?  And every woman is gorgeous.  I don't want you to compliment my appearance, I want you to learn my spirit and compliment my soul.  Because I can guarantee you, I am so much more than how I look.

See other posts about dating: 

Wow, I realized, this year, I am 5 years single.  Well, 7 years mentally single. 
Cheers to women who escaped and made themselves a new life!


Below is brunch with the kids at Del Frisco's Grill.



..and why do I need to look for dates when I have these two goobers? 💕






EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com




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January 1, 2017

2017 Pheonix

The Phoenix is a bird from Greek Mythology that rises from the ashes of its predecessor.
The bird signifies 'new' or 'rebirth'...the start.


With 2016 burned away, 2017 looks good and I have great feelings about it.  I do not have any major plans, other than to keep on my trail of success but, I believe this year has a few interesting surprises for me.  What about you?  Anything fresh in the works for your new year?


  I spent the first part of my day with my 2 offspring.  We had brunch at Brio...




...then headed to Barnes & Noble.


Thereafter, I got ready for dinner with a few girlfriends at Radio Milano...


Scallops

Lobster

a different kind of Creme brule

We also had foi gras, grilled squid, and fried duck.
Everything was amazing!

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I did a few changes to the website this year.  Changed the domain from TheStyledMa to LoveRaya and I recently added a feature to enter your email to receive new posts in your inbox.

Here are some of the popular posts of 2016:


Happy 2017 Everyone!


EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com


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