February 20, 2017

Southern Hospitality #Bama

Sometimes, you meet people who imprint on your life and begin to find connections with entities that connect with them.  All imprints are a lesson and some imprints continue to add impressions onto your timeline.

My life in Texas has really opened my world to this unusual thing called, "Southern Hospitality".  Houston itself is a melting pot of people from all over the US and the world yet, what's interesting is when I meet true southern people.

I do not know much about Alabama other than driving through Mobile one time and getting stuck in f**king traffic for 5, 6 hours! WTF!

But, I have made some friends from Alabama who've imprinted upon my life.

I made my first unexpected friend from Alabama almost 2 years ago.  It was a gentleman whom did not allow me to simply disregard him.  I was my usual self, blunt and abrasive but, my Northern persona didn't offend his Southern Hospitality. 

Initially I thought, What's wrong with this dude? He must like being abused.  Realistically, it is more so, What's wrong with me and why am I so guarded and quick to automatically deflect people? 

Somehow, this Alabama man and I created a unique friendship at which most people wouldn't understand it...but what is for me to understand, isn't for you to understand.

I can identify that I am a little different from others in the sense I do not see relationships, infatuation, or even love the same way as mainstream society depicts it.  I see what makes most sense to me.

I think of my own friends, all from different backgrounds, experiences, neighborhoods, and countries.  We have collectively made a connection with one another because of small similarities that caught our interest but, bigger differences that keep us in each others' lives. 

Our friends are the family that we get to choose.  I inadvertently made so many varying arrays of friendships that my circle is as diverse as my persona.  I love it.

- Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

So you'd be surprised where I got this outfit at....Forever21!
Yup, you read it correctly.  The hipster store that targets size zero tweens.  I went in because I had a store credit when I returned something for my daughter a few months back.  I figured I'd just pick up a few cute scarves or socks but, nope.  I went in and became trapped with the prices!

What turns me away from the store isn't just rail thin models; the place is massive and always seems disorganized with misplaced items everywhere.  The sales racks are atrocious and the regular racks are over stuffed with confusion but, I entertain the retailer a few times a year.

My Look:  The dress was $12.99 and the duster was on sale for $3.90!!!  Yet, what I am most impressed with is the material of both garments.  It's not thin and doesn't feel 'cheap'...although, I am going to be conscious of how wash these...Plus, the dress is simple enough for me to dress up or, as you can see, dress down.  This still doesn't convince me to become an avid Forever21 shopper though.

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February 16, 2017

Lover vs. Husband

Lover vs. Husband

The word "boyfriend" is not in my personal dictionary.  You are either a lover or a husband.  A lover can become a husband and a husband is also a lover. 

The term, Lover, is just my fancy way of saying "friends with benefits"...high emphasis on the 'friends' part.   There's not been many lovers in my repertoire mainly because I did not see good enough qualities within many men I came across.  That's not to say they weren't any good, I just didn't feel they were good for me and I shut out a man very quickly if I don't even see friendship qualities within him.

I will admit, after getting over my failed relationship of many years, I toyed with a few men; used them for my pleasure and quickly discarded them.  I didn't want to know a lot about them and I didn't want them to know a lot about me.  As I stopped doing that, I started getting into the dating scene for a very short period of time, during which, I realized I didn't know what I wanted in a relationship but, I didn't want anything similar to my last one so, I closed myself off.

I subsequently developed my standard of a Lover.  He isn't just a friend with a benefit; he has potential for longevity with me if I see the right characteristics but, he still doesn't get husband privileges.  My definition on that is not very clear since my experience with this ideal is very minimal and certain circumstances may allow for certain privileges but, not just any man can be my lover and just because he is a friend doesn't automatically give him more opportunity to any closer to me.  It's not only the physical intimacy that makes the difference, there must be equal parts of mental intimacy.  If I only wanted to have sex, then I'd just revert back to what I was doing several years ago and have my pick of the litter but, that is not appealing to me any longer.

I now require more.  

I am NOT here and available for every man who thinks I'm pretty.  If he is going to be a benefit, then he needs to be a benefit in many ways.  And if I decide I don't want any kind of future with a man, I am merciless when eliminating him out of my life as if he never existed...No, not my best quality but, I really don't owe him anything.

If a man does happen to become my Lover and is able to keep that moniker for more than 6 months to a year without losing momentum on either side, then he is a GREAT man and could eventually be my husband because he was extremely patient with me and saw what I wasn't willing to see...He'd still have to make the first move and be the one to lead us into a relationship though.

I'm worth the trouble, right? 😊😁

- Love Raya

Don't get excited about the hat, I lost a challenge.

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

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February 10, 2017

Expectations of a Woman

Expectations of a Woman

Women, please understand that WE are the pinnacle of life.  Throughout history, women were place on a pedestal, men fought each other for our attention and love....

Now, what the hell has happened to us?
We parade ourselves like cheap ornaments and chase after well-to-do men who may or may not be married, and get easily sensitive when we don't feel good enough.
**Even, I'm not void of snapping a few "thirst trap" pictures here and there.


It may not seem obvious in my posts but, I am a very reserved and conservative woman.

I believe a woman should take pride in her deliverance to the world and not showcase herself in a way that may cause doubt...then again, any way we behave will incite critics from all angles.

I won't throw myself at a man simply because he buys me a drink or give me a compliments.  To be honest, I get a little uncomfortable when a man offers to buy me a drink...What is his motive? What does he want in return? How often does he do this? What are his intentions?...I admit that it is not great to think this way but, this is what the social scene has become for singles...or people who portray being single...<< Yall ain't shit and some of you are my friends but, you still ain't shit.

Almost every time I go to a happy hour or just swing through one of my favorite bars, there is a man or two willing to buy me endless drinks and overload me with compliments.  It is endearing and sweet BUT, where is this going?  Especially, since I did not come out to find a lover.  So, I listen and add to the conversation but, I keep it very casual, although, at least I think I do.  I don't just bat my eyes and ask for another drink or how much is in his 401K.  No, I ask how his day was, give praises to his accomplishments, inquire how he made his way to this bar, and wish him safe travels home.  This has become my basic dialogue with men.  Some of them try to derail me and talk about continuing the night, No sir, it was nice to meet you, have a good night.

Remember, men will be men among men...mainly foolish and stupid.  I'm sorry fellas, I love you guys but, we know the truth. It is our right as women to know better, behave better, deliver better, expect better, and just BE BETTER.

Now when starting a new relationship...

I do not believe a woman should make compromises early on when meeting a man.  Once you make the first life adjustment for him, he'll expect you to continue to make more adjustments catering to him without him doing much in return. No, no, no...if we are going to be serious with one another then my changes will need to equal your changes; whatever change we feel is necessary and conducive to our relationship.

I also do not believe a woman should share her relationship details with everyone.  It ain't official if it's not on Facebook! << You can keep that feeble thinking away from me.  I've seen so many people on my timeline share just a little too much about their personal life and then all of a sudden, the relationship disappears.   It is great to be proud of who you are with and it is also great to share your happiness with a few pictures or comments here and there but, keep in mind, many people disguise their negativity with empty praise. 

Keep your personal business to a minimum.  We don't need to know why you're arguing, or why you are upset because you let him use your car and now he hasn't come home in two days, or that he does not contribute to any of your bills but, he's always in your house.  << YES, for some reason women still treat grown men like their sons, taking care of them, catering to their needs and getting little appreciation in return.  My son has no idea how pampered he is.  While dropping him off a school the other morning, he demanded I go to McDonald's and get him food before I pick him up at the end of the day.  He also requested I put his tablet in my bag and not to touch it.

You want to be a good woman, GREAT, you want o show him you can maintain a relationship, manage a home, and conduct business, AWESOME but, be a good woman to a DESERVING MAN.  Otherwise, just be his friend with set limitations of your willingness and support; add on as he adds on...value.

Many times you can prove to a man that you are a good woman without doing the most for him.  My intentions for my future husband will not be much different from my intentions for my friends, and that is to support, uplift, motivate, and love them...of course, my husband's benefits will be on a different level...but still, it is the same basic formula.

-Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

Ladies, NO, just NO!

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