June 21, 2017

She Did WHAT?!

Ladies, I don't want to judge but, I just cannot get my brain to wrap around the idea of it being "acceptable" for a woman to propose...

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Let's just go ahead and emasculate a man completely and get down on one knee with a box from Jared's....

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Let us women just take control of the relationship and weaken a man's dignity...

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So, who is going to go dress shopping with him and make sure his figure looks great in a fitted gown?  Will he get french tips?  How high should his heels be?  Which bouquet will he pick out?  Will you cry when you see him walk towards you down the aisle with his hair and makeup all done?

Can you grasp my discontentment of this whole idea?

It is NOT MY PLACE to ask a man to be my husband.  I feel the same way about a woman proposing a relationship (if you've been reading my previous post, you already know this.)

Yes, I believe in a trusted and sacred union of two people but, I also believe a man's role is separate from a woman's role when it comes to being in this union.  We are equal in heart and can mentally balance each other but, a woman's position is not the same as a man's. 

I look to a man to lead us into a relationship further leading us into marriage.  However he decides to begin that path is on him, I either take the path with him or walk alone in another direction.  I will not, I repeat, I WILL NOT ASK A MAN FOR HIS HAND IN MARRIAGE!

And let me not start on the men who allow their women to drop down on one knee to propose to them!  Maybe I'm too old school, maybe I need to get with the times, maybe I should just go sit my single ass down somewhere and wait for a man to pop the question....

Insert the stare down.

I'll continue to sit on maybe with my stubborn self.

I have my principals.

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

*PS: Any potential husband who wishes to propose....size 6, gold band, princess cut.  And you would need to have been consistently active in my life for at least 1 current year and we both need to have taken considerate interest in one another...this should eliminate pretty much 99.9% of the men in my peripheral life.
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June 12, 2017

I'll Just Meet You There

I've gotten flack from people when they ask such questions as...

If a man came to pick you up on a date in an old beat up car, would you still go on the date?

-Yes, but I'll meet him there.

Ribbed Dress - Nordstrom | Duster - Forever21 

Look, I've already went through the stage of struggling and working to get better.  I do not have the patience to do that again.  I appreciate and applaud those who are overcoming adversities or obstacles but, I have went through my biggest 'growth spurts' already.  The only challenges I face now is how to improve my skills to earn more money.

Although, if you are facing tough times, should you really be dating?  Why would you want to place your burdens that are yours on to someone else?

Jumper Set - VanityKloset.com

I am not opposed to going out and making a new friend but, if your first image to me as a man who wants to be serious in my life is an image of you coming to "date" me in Ole Unreliable...then, sir, I cannot.  The car does not have to be brand new but, it does have to get us from A to B without me praying for Traveling Grace.

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People have responded, "Maybe that's just who he is and he doesn't like fancy cars." That's fine but, it is still best to have a car that does not need to be in the shop every other weekend or he has to cancel on me because his car won't start or he has to back out on a trip because he has to pay for a new transmission.  This all goes back to being financially stable and making sure you can afford the things you have and/or want.

I am in my 30s looking forward to financial comfort and freedom.  Unless this old car is a classic that you are fixing up to have as a leisure car, then just save your money and get yourself a nice reliable vehicle.  If a man does not have this 'safety' in place then, I do not want to give time to someone who is okay with just being okay.  I cannot wait for someone to be better.  And I have no energy for someone who expects me to just go along with it

I cannot be serious with "potential" after a certain age.  I was involved with potential before.  Potential did not provide me what I wanted or needed.

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

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May 24, 2017

Have a Strong Presence

A woman should never feel the need to be the "man" in the relationship.  Nor should a man be so inadequate that he allows a woman to dominate the relationship.

I have a strong personality but, I am not going to allow it to overshadow my partner and if there is a situation where I am too forthright in my opinions or actions without considering him, then I need him to call me out on it.  Don't disrespected me but, let me know that I overstepped my boundaries.

And if I am not hearing you, find a way to help me understand, because if you back away, avoid addressing it, or just give in, then who is the head of this relationship? And why should this relationship continue if you don't want to make an effort?

Be proud of me and step in if I drift of into doing, saying, or being someone who may cause more concern than comfort.  Don't just be with me...be present with me.  People can see cracks without them being pointed out.  I don't want cracks in my relationship.


As strong willed as I am, I am NOT the head of the relationship or household.  I will put aside bearings to allow a man to lead me...he may have to put me in my place a few times...respectfully...but, my place as a woman is not the same place of a man.

Even though I believe both people equally make a relationship work, I can empathize if a woman decides to be the one to make the adjustments to suit a man's life, ONLY IF she feels truly loved, protected, and provided for spiritually. 

A woman will do anything for a man when she feels loved...But ladies, let's not let the love blind us into making foolish decisions that leave us with egg on our faces.  Always remain smart about what you are willing and able to do.  If he loves you, he will understand and not put you in a position where you need balance what he wants and what you are not comfortable with.

Of course, I am not currently practicing this notion, so it is easier for me to say it that do it but, I know I am not so set in my ways that I can accommodate a man I love and who loves me back the same.

- Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

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May 17, 2017

Preparing For You

I'm a professional creeper, who is overly dramatic, living through filters, doesn't know when to stop eating, complains about my weight but, won't exercise, likes to shop, prefers my lighting to be just right, and is emotionally unavailable = why I am single.

There is some truth to my above foolishness, so let me explain...

For many years, I've not had to consider anyone's plans but, my own.  I've not had to coddle a man's emotions nor be extra affectionate when he's having a bad day.  I've not continuously had to think about anyone but, me.  This is not to say, I don't know how to be the type of woman who is in full support of her partner, I was her once, and this is also not to say I cannot be her again, I can.  I just did not want to be the woman who is immediately in the next relationship.  I've been so determined to reach certain levels in life that I've not opened up to the possibility of a relationship.  It would not be fair of me to expect a man to be completely ready for me but, me not be completely ready for him.

I don't want to be half a woman wanting a full man, nor do I want half a man.  Granted, there are some things that may improve in my life when I have a partner but, I am not relying on that potential.  I am relying on my own results and what I am able to do.

Many men could not comprehend my views or hesitation, so they would conclude the follow to be true for them: 

She's too high maintenance.
She doesn't know what she's missing.
She can't handle my honesty.
She just wants to play games.
Her standards are too high.
She must already have a man.
She's young-minded.

I really do not entertain these types of thoughts.  If that's what a man thinks of me to make him feel better, then so be it.  And one thing that irritates my soul is when a man is trying to justify how great he is and mentioning how many other women want him...Good for you Sir, you should go call them and get out of my way.  Let me not deflate your ego, and you can leave me all they way alone since you cannot be patient enough to really know me.

*I once told a man flat out, I was not interested in him.  I'm not sure how that could be misunderstood but, he proceeded to go on telling me how much of a good person he is...obviously that did not help him at all.

Top - H&M | Pants - Express | Shoes - Charles David (DSW)

Yes, I am a woman whom has went through certain experiences that has made me be very cautious; made me be more observant, more patient, more understanding, more analytical with a man's perspective vs. a woman's perspective.  This does make it more challenging for a man to get through to me but, it's not impossible...if he is secure with himself and accepts what I am willing and not willing to do, he'll be able to start chipping away.

- Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

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May 14, 2017


I started my family young. I wasn't prepared and honestly, I'm still not. Even when I decided to face a new change/challenge in my life and really become a "Single Mom", I was less prepared than when I started.  I promised them that I would never compromise myself to live an image of what a perfect family looks like.  My daughter has asked me if I'm seeing anyone and I tell her, "If he's good for us, he'll come eat with us." If he can't blend well with us, he can't sit with us...

No sir, this seat is being saved for....not you. 😊

The kids and I did as we usually do...EAT.  We tried out Mia Bella which was offering a Mother's Day Brunch Buffet.  Over the years, I've grown less impressed with buffets but, Mia Bella remained above the norm and had a waitstaff serving out the food, which was also covered, as opposed to people hovering over open trays and poking at what they may or may not like. 

As I enjoyed my meal I pondered on what I signed up for being a mom...

1: Being asked Why for EVERYTHING 
2: Over explaining EVERYTHING 
3: Cooking at odd hours
4: Being annoyed 
5: Being worried 
6: Learning good hiding places 
7: Spending more than I need
8: Arguing about Cartoons 
9: Playing cab driver 
10: Sharing my space
11: Crying 
12. Loving someone more than myself. ❤

I don't know what I am doing as a parent, or even as an adult.  I am also pretty sure these two do not know what they are doing as kids being reared by me.  Luckily enough were are here raising each other.

Vanessa & Gabriel

- Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

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