January 19, 2017

Instant Affairs

As I've grown, the idea of an instant love affair has become a vague interest in my world.  Why must everything happen so quickly?  It'd be best to say, No, I do not believe in Love at first sight.

I was conversing with a male friend the other day and he made a comment that he cannot believe men are not showing much interest in me, which let me to think about my interactions with men in its entirety...


Man - "Oh, I think it's great that your are goal oriented and spend time with your family.  It's good to see a woman who is about her business."

2 Days Later

Text Messages

Man - (8:26 am) Good morning beautiful. Hope you have a great day.

Man - (11:32am) How is your day going so far?

Woman - (2:16pm) It's good. I've been really busy, I'll catch up with you when I can.

1 Day Later

Text Messages

Man - (3:49pm) I texted you a few times, you didn't respond.  Are you okay?

Man - (7:24pm) How about we do dinner sometime?

Man - (8:01pm) I'm really trying to get to know you. You seem to not be interested. I'm a good man...blah, blah, blah.

**First, let me make note that the above information is not an actual dialogue between me and any particular man, this is more of a generalization of the comments or thoughts I receive from different men.

I cannot speak for all women but, this bothers me.  If I tell you I have a lot going on in my life and one thing that is not on the top of my list is a relationship, and you see this as a great attribute in a woman, then why is it that you begin to behave differently when you realized... "Oh wow, she really is busy."  - Uhhh....yes, dumbass, I told you that when you met me.  I wasn't telling you to impress you.  Your presence in my life right now is irrelevant and you definitely need to be mindful of how your delivery is towards me if you want to have any significance.  Is this selfish of me?  Maybe, but try to understand my thought process...

Why does he feel the need to constantly chat with me?
I am not going to stop what I am doing at work or take myself from my children because a man, who I just met, wants to speak to me about my day, or my plans, or whatever he wants to talk to me about.  If I have the time, I will respond but, it will not be constant or even instant.

Why is he giving me empty compliments?
Calling me gorgeous or pretty is cute but, it doesn't give me butterflies.  What is his intention behind that?  Does he think because he brings attention to my appearance that I am going to commit myself to him?  I never understood that concept of a man using certain terms with a woman he just met.  I accept it more if it was coming from a man who's known me for some time and who's experiences me in circumstances to see my true beauty.

Why does it seem like he wants to rush knowing me?
Everything takes time and knowing that I do not have a lot of it to pass around, it may take a man longer to know me and if he is truly interested, he'll keep a steady pace.

Why does he feel offended when I am not giving him attention?
If he believe that I am not seeing him for 'him', then don't try to force it upon me.  My life was just fine before I met him and will more likely be fine after he has revealed himself to be an impatient man.  Don't create an issue because I chose to spend some of me free space with people whom have already taken the time to know me.  The exit is over there. 🠞🠞

I need to be comfortable with a man's aura before allowing him to get any closer to me.  Now of course I do not make it very easy on men but, do you really want and cherish what is "easy?

**There has only been one unique incident where I met a man and we continued to converse on a consistent basis shortly after meeting but, that was only one occurrence and for whatever reason, our personalities just blended well which ignited a genuine friendship, so he gets a pass and can reach me more frequently than others.  Have a problem with it? Take it up with the Universe.

So, with all this being said, there is not very many men who have kept interest in me.  And it can be fair to say that they decided to move on and find a woman whom is more receptive than I am for which, I wish them all the love and happiness that I was not able to give to them.

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

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January 14, 2017

What is Dating?

What is Dating?

We are revisiting this topic again because the idea of dating seems to continually change.  It was once considered just 2 people exclusively seeing one another romantically, now it is more like a free for all of anyone who looks your way, so it has become more like a hobby to some people.  At least protect yourself if your just going to be out there sharing your goods.

Even now in the new year, I am still not interested in dating, because my idea of it is very traditional and I have not come across very many traditional men...but what is 'traditional'?  I would like for a man to understand or at least want to understand my life...understand that my time is valuable and that I cannot always entertain simple pleasures.  Understand that my history has built me to be cautious of every decision I make.  Understand that at any giving moment I will change all my plans for my children.  Understand that if he is not adding more substance in my life than I cannot and will not consider him in any romantic or financial manner. (*I mention finances because relationships can strive or fail at the presence of monetary choices.)

I am very hard on men who first met me and I'm designed that way for reason.  You will not excite me with everyday text messages or calls.  You will not get quick responses if you call me sweetheart or gorgeous. Unless we live together or already in a committed relationship, why do I need to see about you everyday?  What new things do I need to talk to you about if my day was the same as yesterday and why would I give you so much detail about my life or my thoughts so early on?  And every woman is gorgeous.  I don't want you to compliment my appearance, I want you to learn my spirit and compliment my soul.  Because I can guarantee you, I am so much more than how I look.

See other posts about dating: 

Wow, I realized, this year, I am 5 years single.  Well, 7 years mentally single. 
Cheers to women who escaped and made themselves a new life!

Below is brunch with the kids at Del Frisco's Grill.

..and why do I need to look for dates when I have these two goobers? 💕

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

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January 1, 2017

2017 Pheonix

The Phoenix is a bird from Greek Mythology that rises from the ashes of its predecessor.
The bird signifies 'new' or 'rebirth'...the start.

With 2016 burned away, 2017 looks good and I have great feelings about it.  I do not have any major plans, other than to keep on my trail of success but, I believe this year has a few interesting surprises for me.  What about you?  Anything fresh in the works for your new year?

  I spent the first part of my day with my 2 offspring.  We had brunch at Brio...

...then headed to Barnes & Noble.

Thereafter, I got ready for dinner with a few girlfriends at Radio Milano...



a different kind of Creme brule

We also had foi gras, grilled squid, and fried duck.
Everything was amazing!


I did a few changes to the website this year.  Changed the domain from TheStyledMa to LoveRaya and I recently added a feature to enter your email to receive new posts in your inbox.

Here are some of the popular posts of 2016:

Happy 2017 Everyone!

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

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December 27, 2016

Relationship Media

Those of us who are on social media, we get bombarded by quotes, meme, and videos about how to find the "right person" and maintain a happy relationship.  It's all cocka-mamie bs.  Yes, the messages are intended to be helpful and allow you to generate thoughts about relationships but, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.  We love differently, we show affection differently, we perceive others differently...and this all has to do with our previous experiences.  How I may show my interest to a man can very well be different from how another woman shows her interest. 

The messages we see are our timelines or news feed are inspirational to some and questionable to others...

Exhibit A: 

Exhibit B: 

Exhibit A gives you the idea that if a woman gives a man the husband treatment without having a ring first, he should keep her (*still doesn't mean she'll become his wife)...I know of few of my friends are spitting nails about this idea...while Exhibit B tells you that as much as one woman can do for a man, it doesn't guarantee her a ring...I am more of an Exhibit B woman. ➞ You can do everything in your energy to show him you can be a good wife but, if he's not showing you he can be a good husband or not giving you any notion that he wants to be YOUR husband...then you've fallen in love with his potential.

I not saying you shouldn't read the quotes or not watch the relationships videos and feel good about them, I am just saying to be realistic about the type of person YOU are, who he is, and what YOU want.  What you are willing to compromise is all up to you.  The decisions or changes you make should be alongside his but again, we are all different, how the two of you agree to make your relationship work will not always match how another couple makes their relationship thrive.  It's a 50/50 partnership with both of you putting in 100% the effort.

- Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

I've pretty much been hibernating this holiday season...

...and getting ready for 2017
because 2016 had me like this ⇩⇩

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December 17, 2016

I Like My Solitude

My friends really get on me about this...I love you guys for caring...I just have that "relationship" switch in my brain turned off with a strip of duck tape holding it down.  My life is about maintaining balance right now, I don't need someone to come in and adjust anything throwing my equilibrium off.  And I'm not the only one.  Many of the single women I know are very much focused on other aspects of their lives; a man just happens to be last "accomplishment" on the list. 

2017 is about to begin and I have a whole new "to-do" list that I need to be sure I complete. ✔

Men get focused on their own lives too and don't want to be detracted by a relationship.  In fact some men get roped into relationships and not fully be in the relationship because his mind is more directed on work and retirement.  Just like I don't want half his attention, I don't want to give him half my attention either.  I don't want a disconnect with my partner.  

If we are building together, then that's a plan that will require a very thorough discussion before going that route, until then, I am going this way.  ↗

Look, I'm not playing with you men. If you cannot add more virtue to my life, you won't make it with me.  I refuse to allow some f*ck boy come into my life and see everything I have built and think to himself, "Hmmm...she's already done all the work, let me just sit my stuff here and reap all her benefits." NO SIR YOU WILL NOT!  If you don't already have things in place to accommodate the life you want, then do not dare expect me to have it done for you.

My preference of solitude can become more of a curse than I see as a gift but, you are going to have to be an amazing man for me to step off my pedestal.  Would you not rather have a woman who has your same drive and ambitious nature?  You two would be unstoppable.  But, if you are not at her same caliber...

- Love Raya

EMAIL: xoxo.rayal@gmail.com

Although, at times...

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